The Block Gatwick All In Recap

What Could Possibly Go Wrong

Off the back of the Tempanyucki* station highlight of the terrace reveals, where we are also told by ShaynnaBlaze “St Kilda is filled with tattoo parlours” the teams are about to put their issues and pride aside for an all-in revealed by Scotty straight after the scores were tallied:

Gatwick All In

One room, per team, per week. The cash ‘won’ at the end will be knocked off the reserve prices. Then it was revealed to the collective that they’ll be doing this apartment for the winner of the Monopoly set prize. Wowzers, they all look shocked and I can’t help but think a little bit of them is going “why can’t we live in one of them, we’ve put our everything into this ‘competition’ I deserve to live here!”

Hayden’s nominated by Sara to be the apartment ‘accountant’, he is a project manager usually anyway, so this probably makes sense. Until we find out from ForeDan that he hasn’t allocated budgets in a swift manner, which Sara oversees so we all cop her now famous stink eye

Sara Stinkeye

“She was trying to make you look dumb” is Sara’s assessment to Husband Hayden in a couch interview after the fact but the cameras also pick up that ‘someone’ might be diddling the books to their advantage..

WHO COULD I POSSIBLY BE REFERRING TO HERE?

GatwickSaraScribble.PNG

Ok, so that’s not really revealing it but no doubt you can take an educated guess…

But even before all that Hayden and Sara have to bunk in with someone because of works being done to pretty up the building more before it’s fully finished for inspections. LOL, who’s putting their hands up for that one? Kerrie and Spence are putting Courtney and Hans up. Norm reflects on the moment “It was pretty awkward cause they had to ask ‘does anyone want us?’” and the deafening silence would suggest YEAH NAH.

Can We Stay

Jess finds some community spirit and everyone’s favourite couple will be joining everyone’s actual favourite couple up in the penthouse. The divvying up of the rooms went reasonably well, until the scraps left for week two and the pesky hallway.

Scotty does the old fruitbowl draw to be ‘fair’ and everyone in apartment order has a go (Kerrie and Spence already had terrace) and if anyone believed that the producers have any say in stuff to create drama you’d assume this was setup (no chance) but Sara and Hayden are lumped with the (perceived) worse ‘rooms’ and they ain’t happy (but they chose the bathroom first)

Hayden and Saras Challenge

This is going to be so much fun. For us. Not them.

Courtney and Hans wield a lot of power at the outset because they’ve got the kitchen and whatever they choose for its style it dictates where everyone else will have to go for their rooms. They’ve gone with the style of “St Kilda” - really cool, really edgy. Hans adding “we don’t have to sell it, go nuts”! Everyone heads off and gets cracking, without budgets.

There’s talk of wallpaper, gold knobs, walnut wood, so many different ideas that need to be judged as a whole. Hopefully the judges like well-styled dogs breakfast. A bit like my place.

Whether by fault, design, dumb luck, or higher being alliances formed early: the penty buddies happen to have adjoining rooms so they straight away start working as a conjoined team but then just after budget meeting Spence offers to take Hans under his wing as they get their week one section underway with shared resources. Sara feels left out in the cold, and so does Hayden after she told him that’s how it felt.

But Sara and Carla will be working together for a cohesive vibe for the bathrooms. Their joint meeting at Reece provided Carla with front row seats to the spectrum of Sara’s moods and emotions. And all they had to do was pick sinks, essentially. It was up to the very understanding Reece lady, who’s probably sisters with Wallpaper Lady, to console Sara wrapping an arm around her shoulders “you’ve got this sweety” vibe.

And then uses Reece Lady to do her dirty bidding on price per toilet. “I wasn’t trying to be conniving”. But it all comes undone in a WhatsApp chat when Sara tries to get the bathroom people to knock down their budgets so she can have more cash. Nup. Oh and Hayden hadn’t put the money into people’s accounts leaving Jess stuck at a carpark barrier.

And it’s just day one. This recap has gone longer than I anticipated! YOLO more tomorrow I guess, in a shorter form, hopefully.

Carla There There

The Block Gatwick Final Week

Aloha and Mahalo

Long time no blog! My apologies but my paid gig whisked me off on location to Hawaii (more specifically Oahu, more more specifically Waikiki beach) and unfortunately that ole chestnut geo blocking prevented me from catching up with the all-in apartment on no-man’s land for the Monopoly prize. I’m sure it all went smoothly and with no drama - I’ll do a ‘catch up’ post or two later in the week.

Twelve long weeks have passed and the teams are all finished and I guess preparing for Auctions now.

Reserve Prizes


Aww and they’re getting kicked out of their “homes”! And Norm is really sad about it. But lucky they’ve got Daryl Braithwaite’s The Horses on in the background to lift their spirits - that’s the way little darlin’…

Kerrie’s saying she’s going to miss everyone, and Spence kinda just grunts. Courtney says goodbye to each room like it’s her best friend from primary school. Sara has a bit of an F.U it’s over vibe. Then they all hang out on Loch Street and look lovingly at the building they helped breathe new life into.

Goodbye Gathering

Jess bawls in the car as they drive off “It’s one of the greatest things that’s ever happened to us. And now it’s just a memory”. Yeah ok, nicely sentimental and then wow it gets really dark “That’s why we don’t bond with people! And that’s why you don’t get dogs - because they die!” something about making friends with people for only thirteen weeks and that it’s “all too hard”. Nawww. Norm just laughs.

Woah after the break we discover that Hogan Bogan Number Two (Norm) went across the road to St Kilda Ink and got a Block logo tatt!

Block Tatt

24 hours after wash with warm water and a mild or antibacterial soap, then three days of Aquaphor or similar a couple of times a day, then a very plain moisturiser as required. Don’t scratch it when it’s itchy and peeling is normal. Use a sunscreen on it every time you go out so it doesn’t fade. Enjoy!

But hang on now they’re back in their apartments ready to take on the frenzy of the open day!

Gatwick Crowd Flock To Scotty

Big cheers for all teams as Scotty introduces each to the stage, must be so daunting to be fronting that many people! Mayor Bernadine even gets to give a welcome saying she looks forward to some new residents in the ‘hood.

Oh and Shelley joins the festivities and has the Gatwick sisters Yvette and Rose with her for official ribbon cutting duties.

Gatwick Sisters

Now we see the reactions to Kerrie and Spence’s apartment first, one guy saying he waited two hours in line to check it out. Cue montage of their time on The Block. They really could take out the choccies on Sunday, it is exceptional.

Next it’s Courtney and Hans’ turn and we first meet a lovely lady in a Hawks hoodie who says she started queuing up at 5am the day before the first open day to get in for a look-see. What dedication! Oh and this little munchkin in the hard hat says she likes the apartment because of the bar “you can get a drink without having to go to the kitchen” (and remember to drink responsibly folks, over 18s only of course)

Gatwick munchkins

Montage of Courtney and Hans’ time was a great celebration of their exceptional song and dance routines. They will be missed! So their apartment and the largest will be, probably, “the most affordable” with a list price of $2.2 - $2.4 it really is a great space, and if you can rejig the kitchen when you buy it (so the natural light gets in more) it’s well worth it. Especially if you get the dining room table with it!

The vibe for Sara and Hayden’s is that it’s better in real life. Yeah it’s cool. I really love their terrace. The bathroom with THAT bath needs to be fixed though with the exposed dunny and the weird slab of glass for the shower. But bless this young woman for making Sara’s day:

Bath Hat

In their final couch assessment interview Hayden is obviously asked to say a few words to Sara in summation of their time at the block, he’s a bit stilted and Sara comments (in good humour) that it sounds like he’s about to break up with her to which he replies maybe I am and adds “I honestly don’t know how anyone else could put up with you” and they both laugh. Ah wow. Good times.

Early appraisals for Jess and Norm’s penthouse is that it’s “definitely the winner”, I liked it but I just can’t agree. It will do well for sure and it’s great that they got the front cover of Domain mag which often indicates the actual winner and the couple deserve doing well but it didn’t fully zing for me. The indigenous lounge pieces however, I would take in a heartbeat. Also the maple tree in the bathroom was swapped out for a cumquat and the olive tree disappeared from the lounge. Boo.

“Before we came here, she wouldn’t have been able to style Vegemite on toast” said Norm and yes the Hogan Bogans achieved really well. And right at the end of the montage in their final couch assessment Jess says to her beloved “I think we had a completely different relationship before to when we finished” I’M NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING.

Hooray! One final look at Bianca’s wonky helmet

Bianca Wonky Helmet

Carla and Bianca’s apartment is absolutely stunning and feels so great, I would move in in a flash and it’s a real race, for mine, between theirs and Kerrie and Spence’s for the win. But reserves may play a part in that… I am already jealous of whoever ends up buying it! Oh no DO NOT CRY B&C that’s not fair! You made it all this way! You’re both right to be very proud but I’ve only just recovered from seeing A Star Is Born on the weekend I can’t use up any more tissues!

So that’s it until the auctions this weekend. I will catch up on the challenge apartment though and pop something up here in the next day or two. Also thanks for B&C’s kind words on radio a few weeks ago about this humble little blog and to Hans for the lovely message last week, it means a lot!

The Block Gatwick Episode 36

Get To The Chopper

Challenge day and they’re all off on a helicopter to Phillip Island so they can fang around the Grand Prix track down there in some of the sponsor’s cars. Who’s going to be The Stig?

Up in the air Sara throws some shade at fellow flight attendant Courtney saying she wouldn’t understand the “high flying” of helicopter travel because she’s only an economy flight attendant. Gee whiz how to endear yourself to people.

Back at The Block work (sort of) continues on the terraces, by the trades and the landscapers. Looks like there’s going to be lots of headaches, so enjoy your day out Blockheads!

Dan has to don a face mask to deal with a very serious safety risk on Courtney and Hans’ terrace - a heater has been blasting that’s hooked up to a gas bottle and there’s no ventilation which means a potential for KABOOM as well as carbon monoxide poisoning. Not cool. But that’s not all! Water is also pissing out of everywhere in Hayden and Sara’s “water closet” so he yells for the water to be shut off. But then someone yells back at him that the water is also in Kerrie and Spence’s now too, running down from Hayden and Sara’s

Wet Up Here

Plaster might have to be replaced and “it’s a big issue for Hayden”. He ran his pipes horizontally which is a no-no and probably hadn’t told anyone else and someone’s drilled right into it by accident.

Pet proof imitation grass going on Norm and Jess’ terrace… I’m not sure how I feel about ‘mod’ grass. Dan meanwhile has to shut down Courtney and Hans’ for an hour due to the slight gas issue however the all clear is given for Carbon Monoxide but the famous bubble test shows there really is a leak

Bubble and leak

I’ve seen the ads about testing your gas bottles heading into bbq season but never knew how to do it, thanks for this Community Service Block!

To Phillip Island, the teams run through some mad driving skills drills with Kerrie really pushing it to the limits, Courtney getting up to (or should that be down to) about 54 on the corners while the instructors were pushing them to really go for it, Norm was loving it but Jess wasn’t coping in the back and ended up needing an LLD (little lie down). And they haven’t even done the skid pan test! A shiny and wet concrete timed course.

Kerrie really blitzed it, Courtney did better than everyone expected, Sara got a 2 second penalty for stopping just over the witches hat and lead foot Jess lost her senses and ended up making up her own course, doing dougheys with her wipers on.

While hilarious, Jess’ shenanigans cost them a 30 second deficit. B&C should kill this though, very nice rides from both competitors.

Scotty score time and Norm had the fastest lap of the day 25 seconds (but completely wiped by Jess’ penalty). 3rd place for two grand goes to Hayden and Sara, 2nd place to Hans and Courtney (how?); and of course Kerrie and Spence in 1st for $5k. Kerrie saying it was the best day, even better than their wedding

Cop A Spray

Sara had to come back to the bad news about the water damage issue

Hayden “It could be worse”

Sara “It is worse”

Bianca and Carla however cannot believe how great their terrace is looking and cannot wait to have a barbie “Jess and Norm, you’re going down”.

Barbie

Courtney almost loses it over an awkward tap placement that she’s seeing for the first time on their terrace f*&^ing brass taps.

Hopefully they get over it there’s a Domain walk through and the judge’s judging to come.

Don’t forget it’s the Open for Inspections on THIS SUNDAY get to Fitzroy Street early and take a tram if you can.

The Block Gatwick Episode 34

It’s Bad, Really Bad

Not sure what Jess is referring to in the opening with that statement, but I’m excited! And it’s terrace week. Home stretch.

All the contestants go through B&C’s winning guest room, and what a surprise Sara doesn’t like it. Into Jess and Norm’s room, thankfully I’m not alone but a few others are wondering why on earth there’s a hanging pot plant next to the bed - it would shit me to tears!

Plant Bed

Sara doesn’t like Kerrie and Spence’s room either. Into Sara and Hayden’s room everyone was polite. To Courtney and Hans’ narrow room and Sara says she likes the styling. WOW.

To terrace week and we’re reminded of a revelation from a million weeks ago when a bidding war occured for one apartment to secure the services of champion landscaper Dave and we are also reminded of when Jess was told B&C were successful and she sent this text message to him:

Jess Text

Fun times. Both penthouses are out to win, we see the rough plans of both to use the features of being up in the roof. Jess is super happy but the dark clouds of Keith and Dan burst their bubble saying they hadn’t seen any plans yet. Tut tut tut.

Hans and Courtney have zero bucks so no fancy designer with big unapproved plans. There’ll be a table. Or a bench of some sort.

Dan and Keith are killing the vibe elsewhere too, some balustrading is getting done exactly where Hayden wants his guy to do some work, Dan offers a workaround but Hayden says yeah nah.

And to end like they began Courtney and Hans have a pretty annoying setback - the big ‘ally mac’ (goods) lift is being decommissioned today so every team is busting a gut to get their heavy order of outdoor tiles up to their apartments in time. But not Courtney and Hans, theirs are on another delivery schedule later in the day. Hans is a lot more patient that me, but he looks like he could actually crack this time.

Shelve that for one moment, grumpy Keith is back and it’s no surprise to hear him say that the landscape plans (that were late) for Norm and Jess will not be approved and begins to give a list of reasons why (built-in fixtures against their parapet is a big no-no). But Jess remains positive in a solutions-driven frame of mind, so she brokers a meeting between landscaper and architect so he doesn’t walk off entirely and put his name to a design that isn’t his in the end. Paal (Paul) doesn’t seem convinced.

But some people have real problems: Courtney and Hans’ tile delivery arrives well after expected and of course after the lift has been shut down. And they don’t have anyone working for them any more so they have to heft their tile boxes up the stairs - 25 boxes weighing 33kg each. NO! In the end he has no choice but to bring a pizza sized box up one at a time to the point where Dan has to say to Hans he needs to hurry up because his tiler’s laying them quicker than he’s bringing them. Helpful.

Kerrie goes plant shopping and says she might want some bamboo. DON’T DO IT! The house next door has a wall of bamboo between us and them and while it looks quite lovely against a bare white brick wall it’s insidious! And is growing out of cracks and places it shouldn’t be in our place, not theirs.

Back to Happyland and Sara with a mouthful of food screams at the camera “Where paying tilers to do nothing!” after Scotty explains that Hayden ignored Dan’s advice, so the three or four tilers have stood there doing SFA for three hours, but getting paid.

Lucky Scotty turns up and gets a barrage from Sara and Hayden about how annoying the ballustrade welding has been and is costing them a fortune that they can’t afford. Scotty pushes the point “Do you want compensation?” No. None. Not getting any. Tough tittes. Hurry up and get your tilers working while you’ve sent the welders to lunch!

Not Going To Happen

Bianca and Carla get approval from Keith to use the chimney on their terrace to turn it into a fireplace, and while it’s an ambitious project (timewise) landscaper Dave seems unperturbed. And we cross to Hans who’s still schlepping tiles up by the pizza box. Five hours ago he started, and clearly bored Dan turned into his cheerleader and pepped him up enough to keep going:

Cheersquad

They all get wish buckets: chopper rides, hot laps, day spa all acknowledged. But Hans and Norm got their wish - a beer with Scotty. And they reconvene at the Village Belle on Barkly Street later on for a froffie. BUT that’s not all, Scotty let’s them know they are also getting their chopper and hot lap wishes, they’ll be hoofing off to the GP track at Phillip Island later in the week. Geeze you’re a good egg Scotty.

Back up to the Penthouses and Jess is on the tools, starting strong by saying it’s “empowering” it is great being able to do stuff, gives you a great sense of achievement

Jess On Tools

But it doesn’t sound like she’s been given the right something or others by Norm to do it and things start to fray at the edges. The screws aren’t going into the wood the way Jess thinks they should and many have rolled down between the cracks. I sniff a bit stitch up when Keith walks over and asks how many are down there and when she says she’ll get a blower of some description and blow them out Keith is adamant that they will get stuck and rust and leech through the waterproof membrane so all boards will have to come up. Surely you’re only joshing great man. Anyway Jess is no longer required there and she gets a dig in about dark ages practices.

Hayden and Sara finally got some tiling underway and then Dan with the plans has to come and discuss some amendments to their feature piece for the terrace to help keep it structurally sound. Please tell me that Hayden will agree and move on quietly this. No of course not so the engineer comes in to find some common, safe, ground.

Penthouse wars sizzle at the barbecue supplier, Jess finding Carla in the shop already but saying that she thinks their choice of barbie is “a bit suburban” and continues on with her shopping and gets a spiel about a cooker that can work indoors or outdoors which would be perfect for Courtney and Hans but she says nah stuff em they haven’t let me have a pool. Savage!

Jess Savage

But from joy to sorrow where Courtney is absolutely ripping into Hans who has been designated terrace designer, but she hates his tiles, reckons his ‘some plants in the corner’ is (sarcastically) groundbreaking. Yeaouch. They’ve come so far without losing it with each other, what’s going on?

Groundbreaking

Back to more sorrow where Jess calls Norm from the car in a bit of distress - their situation is more dire than she’d considered. They’ve run out of vouchers, probably can’t pay Paul (Paal) and not even Norm’s calming nah she’ll be right is rubbing off “it’s not all good, it’s bad. Really bad”.

The Block Gatwick Second Guest Room Reveals

Back on Track

What a crazy week it’s been with two footy Grand Finals and a slew of public holidays it’s really hard to keep up. Plus! Channel 9 sent me out on a little field trip to see the magic of television making for a show that’s going to be in our lives and driving all of our gossipy work conversations come February. I’m super excited for that but back to The Gatwick.

What have we missed? Oh heavenly footage of St Kilda, identical looking sunny weather that we had here today - shots of the bay, shots of people in the park next to Luna Park and um what!? That’s the friggen Bendigo tram you tricksters!

Bendigo Tram

It’s a redo and spare bedroom reveal in a coupla days. Norm is stretched to his limits moving the spinning tonsil to a less obtrusive space in the front penthouse, meanwhile Jess is staying out of the way and using every voucher they have to buy heaps of stuff. B & C are re-doing the bedroom that had the ‘weird’ wooden feature wall that some didn’t like, but that will stay they’re chucking a bigger bed in front of it. Kerrie and Spence will just move some things around in their lounge. Courtney has to change some artwork. Hayden has turned into a yes man, but unsure of how long that will last for.

Everyone’s poorer than me in the two days before my monthly pay goes in, so the challenge was particularly crucial to win. Challenge day didn’t bode well when Scotty paid everyone a visit around 6am, literally waking all the teams up in their beds, brandishing rather cavernous buckets.

Scotty Bucket

They all head to the beach for their final challenge, dressed in team colours. But their elation of being off the worksite soon evaporates when Scotty tells them the challenge is that they’ve got to finish their re-do rooms “Today”. Say whaaaat? Shaynna’s there too but I’m getting mixed messages about what might happen - Shelley is back in that delightful canary full legged playsuit, but Shaynna’s dressed for a Cluedo party

Shaynna Beach Wear

But to get them excited again, Shelley tells them they can win an extra $25k from their physical challenge beach activity, before they have to run back and do their redo room before tools down tonight.

Essentially they’ve got to chuck things in buckets to potentially win the cash. This sounds ideal for two tall netballers!

Oh but they’re using a catapult contraption. Yikes. Most money is going into the ‘slush fund’ because it’s not reaching anyone’s buckets but for some reason blue buckets Hayden and Sara are having all the luck with at least 7k worth going in theirs much to the dismay of nearly everyone else

Sara Wins

But then in a fast money kinda blinder, all the purples Courtney and Hans get money off everyone, seemingly, and net $14k. I think I missed something in how it worked but it was written on a whiteboard by Shelley so it must be true.

Shelley Whiteboard

In a mad rush everyone got their “re-do rooms” redone and trench coat Shaynna gave immediate feedback through accomplices Scotty and Shelley, which for Hayden and Sara meant removing a throw rug and a cushion to identify a ‘less is more’ philosophy. Ultimately, though, Norm and Jess received the $10k bonus which made all of Norm’s back breaking and heart breaking work worthwhile.

Now to the delayed other room reveal, unusal for a Monday, there’ll even be a show this Thursday (four days in a row). Oh and open for inspections is this weekend! Get yoself to Fitzroy Street to have a squizz. The St Kilda Park Primary School is even having a sausage sizzle and there’ll be lots of other things to do and stuff.

Quiet achievers Kerrie and Spence are finishing off two rooms for the price of one, the only ones chucking in a study (due to some re-jigging of plans early on with ensuites and WIRs etc). Meanwhile Bianca and Carla and Jess are scheming to try and get use of the crane come terrace week and it’ll go down to a vote in a Body Corporate showdown.

Scotty has lied again, and has smsd everyone to head off for another challenge, they all hoof it to the Kiosk at the end of the pier, then told to go inside.

Screaming and hugging ensues at it looks like a surprise family visit has been coordinated behind their backs. They get a sponsor’s brunch for as long as they want and they all get to hang out and see another side of the other contestants. Norm the big softy blubs the most, good on ya Norm.

Norm Walk

B&C and Kerrie and Spence wander the parents through their apartments, it’s delightful to see how impressed they are with their “kids’” handiwork. Sometimes it’s hard to imagine as an adult your parents still find what you do impressive!

In more controversy that eagle eye Keith has sniffed out, he’s noticed that Bianca and Carla have been selling off anything they can to make some extra cash or offset their trade bills. So Keith offers them a wager for $500 for something but I’d already become distracted by the fact they went straight off for some pampering before shopping “look good feel good play good” motto coming into play from the Netty days. Work smarter not harder also seems to be a general theme running through their time at The Block.

Nine weeks in and Conniption Courtney is at an all time crossroads, the third bedroom as much a challenge to style as her first and second. Even saying at one point that she’s “sad and scared” Back yourself woman! You’ve got this!

Oh and if the music editors don’t know how to pep someone up, no one does! The Breeders’ Cannonball (they’re playing in Melbourne in December. Woo!)

In a world first Scotty arrives for watch checking time with no one bickering or sweating! And it’s pointed out by Courtney that All Internal Rooms Are Now Finished. YIKES are we almost finished? I’m not ready to let go!

Gatwick Brownlow

OK, so Carla, Norm and Bianca must have gone to a Savers on their travels, or the Sacred Heart Mission Op Shop up on Grey Street, for their fetching outfits, bringing a touch of Brownlow to the judging night.

Before Scotty can even refer to his iPad for judge’s comments, Bianca blindsides him with a question for Body Corporate over whether they can use the crane for terrace week. Now we all know that Jess had been scheming with them in the background is now off-guard but puts forward her argument that it frees up the allymac for everyone else. Hans immediately says nup. We have to wait an adbreak for the result. I’ve got a stress headache already and I am not invested at all in the result.

Ah they back down when Courtney’s new BFF gave her the daggers because she wants to use the crane too. So: you get a crane, YOU get a crane and you get a crane!

B&C are judged first: Carla reminds us that she’s feeling like they’ve delivered a teenage boy room. But Shaynna starts fanning herself immediately like she’s had a shot fireball just before walking in and she likes what she sees! Darren says things like nuanced and grand, Dapper Neale is equally impressed with their texture and tone. The desk area gets a big nod as a ‘must’ for guest rooms, as “we all live through our laptops now”. The disappointment now though is teeny tiny lamps

Mean Lamps

And is that a ceramic tissue box ‘sculpture’?

Jess and Norm time: woah I really did miss a bit during the week what the hell Norm?

Nudie Run

Shaynna has stopped fanning herself and claps with such vigour I’m confused, turns out she’s ecstatic with the fancy Alexa lights, the bedding and the wardrobe. She’s thrilled that they have finally listened to her harping on for the last eight weeks. The only downside is the servo flowers. Neale poo-poos the lack of lights. Got to be able to read in bed folks!

Sara looks like she’s sucked a bunch of lemons before her and Hayden’s appraisal: but she talks herself up early, saying it’s a beautiful room. Judges love the ceiling and only really have a problem with the Jon Snowesque throw at the end of the bed. Neale reckons it’s tight but manageable. A question about the target market worries Sara as she’s targeting 30-40s but Shaynna thinks they’ve skewed older, just like Neale “mid 50s downsizer”. Oh yock yock yock.

Hang on are they the same lamps that they pilloried Bianca and Carla over?

Same Lamps

Courtney as we know has, basically, zero confidence with her styling so when the judges enter they first note the heavenly scent in there and gush about the colours and whimsy but what not but cannot believe how cramped everything is.

Kerrie and Spence - will they win this week as well? Three weeks in a row would be a massive coup. Very nice to hear some Link Wray over the top. Neale feels like although the room is also small, it’s not as cramped. Darren can’t stop rubbing the bed head. And then he has another mangasm for integrating the aircon vent. Only one lamp though annoyed Neale and feels like it does the job but isn’t memorable. Kerrie and Spence argue it’s just supposed to be functional, surely.

But hold on everyone! Through the judging the rest of The Block discover that Kerrie and Spence added an extra room that may put them ahead on the ‘most desirable apartment’ stakes. How will they all react to this news? Who knows really, not much feedback allowed for so far.

Score time from Darren: B&C 9.5; Norm and Jess 9; Sara and Hayden 9; Courtney and Hans 8; Kerrie and Spence 8.5

Shaynna: B&C 9.5; Norm and Jess 9.5; Hayden and Sara 8; Courtney and Hans 8; Kerrie and Spence 8.5

Kerrie apologises to Spence for some reason and he just utters an uh huh.

Don’t tell me Bianca and Carla are finally going to win a room reveal?

C’mon Scotty, tell me that Bianca and Carla have finally won a room reveal!

FFS ad break. You tease, Scotty.

GTFO! They finally did it! After a stupid gnome or two intervening they genuinely and finally won a room reveal. Lucky you frocked up for the occasion

B and C win

Extra episodes this week and we get to see the formation of the ‘terraces’ and I was surprised by whose I loved the best when I went back for another look a couple of weeks ago. Woo!

The Block Gatwick Episode 29

To Me That Looks Like A Garage Sale

Oh gosh, who could Dapper Neale be referring to with that line?

Hang on are we going straight into judging? I’m confused… or is this just a general recap on Kerrie and Spence’s week? So it is a recap of Kerrie talking through how she’s not comfortable in knowing how to finish ‘Arty Farty’ St Kilda. Oh and there’s Scotty already. Double Oh the judges are there. Earlier than usual…? What does that mean? Someone’s going to lose it at the end of judging perhaps.

The gallery type feel of Kerrie and Spence’s hall gets the big tick and the functional alcove for keys n stuff. Onto the laundry (I want to cry as I schlepped it back to JACKSON STREET LAUNDRY again today) which is perfect and styled very well. Neale says he wants to put a load on as a result… The powder room with its buffing and shining toilet is gushed over and pretty much they’re told they’ve exceeded themselves (they got perfect 10s for their kitchen last week).

Courtney and Hans’ turn, what disasters almost derailed them this time? Oh no sleep and no money. The palm picture is back, and that chair? They judges are going to hate that chair. Maybe.

Longest Hall

And the bubble gum pic. Eek. Shaynna likes the vibe and the quirky artifacts. Darren is focusing on the sideboard and questioning how it fits in. It’s bloody gorgeous, so of course it works Darren. The chair looks lonely, a bench seat would work better. Courtney agrees but couldn’t afford one. The laundry is the whitest thing I’ve ever seen, I’d get a migraine every time I went in there. Judges didn’t have a lot of praise, functional and ticking a box at best. The glamour powder room is enjoyed but they suggest flipping the hinge of the door so you don’t see the dunny when the door is ajar.

Suddenly Ginuwine’s Pony ain’t so sexy. Sara and Hayden’s recap shows us her chucking wood again and the burgeoning BFF relationship between Courtney and Sara. Oh that’s right they got the water leak from Bianca and Carla’s powder room at the last minute. Sounds like it was a major crisis averted relatively quickly.

“I’m not happy with the paint job, because I was pretty much doing it all” plus she’s sick and CBFd. And then she smashes something. Feel like they haven’t quite finished. Hopefully the judges are not too concerned about, Sara hopes, and that they just notice the effort she’s put into styling.

Uh oh, lights up and it reveals the dirty floor, judges are so uninpressed:

Dirty Floor

Scotty tells Sara and Hayden that they noted there are no excuses for not cleaning the rooms for presentation. And here we go Sara says “Can I stop you there Scotty” and made an excuse about mopping it but they were running between rooms yada yada and “we ran out of time” and Scotty blanks her “Yes you did, that’s why they weren’t mopped”. Judges try to be positive but ultimately Neale just notes that they’re “frustrating” and calls their shelf a disaster and it looks like a garage sale., chucking enough stuff on there in the hope that someone likes one of the things.

“What else are you supposed to put on a sideboard?”

Style Inspo


Not a picture of Harry and Meaghan!? “The pilot and the flight attendant across the hall offered a finished room when you’re a construction manager Hayden. Manager your time.” Ouch.

HA! And we haven’t even got to the laundry and powder room. Oh thank god, it’s a great laundry for the judge’s eyes. Yet it’s filthy and unfinished. Raw plaster and no caulking. Hayden cites his man flu as a reason. Doesn’t everyone else have the same issue? Spence was crook and Norm for memory. LIFT guys.

Whisper

Even if you whisper, Sara, the mics can still pic it up. Sara then says “not really” when Scotty asks if they want to hear what the judges said about the powder room. Everyone smirks and shifts uncomfortably. We see the judges walk into the smallest room in the house.

Shannya starts: “What a disaster” Darren continues: “this is a level of unfinished we haven’t seen for a while on the block”. It’s poor and unacceptable. I find it extraordinary that Hayden and Sara feel like they then need to ‘challenge’ the judges to have a go and do it under the circumstances. Excuse me but so far two other teams have managed it. Check yoselves.

Upstairs to Norm and Jess now. “It’s a bloody hallway, what do you put in it? Gotta make it a bit fancy, so I’m stuffed” is the type of confidence from Jess we’ve come to love! But they won the $10k from the buyer’s advocates who think their place is the most likely to sell for the most. And they won the food challenge. With a bit of plaster disaster thrown in and low level bickering. Jess also demonstrates a genius way to vac and polish the floors in a hurry

Polishing

Darren says it’s styling 101 for the first feature of the hallway. The height of the ceiling and the pendant lights get the seal of approval, but we have to wait until after an adbreak to hear about the off-set skylights (they’re on the side rather than the ceiling).


Tonight's Palais Bands

Norm looks too exhausted to be excited that Shaynna loved how the light goes down the wall from the off-set skylights and they all love the Gatwick ‘artwork’ and I agree the artwork made me catch my breath, it was such a lovely touch.

The small laundry passes. The powder room gets the same treatment as others where you see straight into the toilet. They like it though, if the door hinge could be switched. I personally found it weird because the powder-room, a very odd shape and tiny, is literally next to another bathroom, so two toilets in about three feet of each other. I would prefer a hall cupboard for linen and whatever.

In a week beset by accusations of impropriety, and an issue with waterproofing, and a small leak, how will B&C go? Ooh a hall runner will that last…

Morning View

What can I do to get that view for the rest of my life? How can I find $3 million in about as many weeks. The girls are not confident going into the judging. Straight away Shaynna says the lights are sexy, the hall runner gets the nod too excellent. I love mine, I just wondered if they would. The styling with the art makes the apartment feel more fun. Painting could be better. Could they actually win this week? A laundry with pizazz! Who would ever have thought. Timber benchtop is tops. Linen storage tick tick tick. And the first apartment with privacy from the toilet. That basin is SO GREAT, it’s literally just a slab of whatever with an outlet at the back. Perfect for powder-room goings on.

Tally up them points Scotty

Darren: 9.5 for B&C; Norm and Jess 8; Hayden and Sara 6.5 (Sara looks like she wants to snot Daz); Courtney and Hans 8; Kerrie and Spence 9.5. This is gonna be a showdown.

Shaynna: B&C 9; Norm and Jess 8; Hayden and Sara 5 (I think she said f*&^k me in response); Courtney and Hans 7.5 and Kerrie and Spence 9.5. Wowee…

Neale gets the decider and there’s half a point in it who will win and what paltry amount will he give Hayden and Sara: Sheesh! Kerrie and Spence get a 10 so they win!

Win Again

Really could happily move into their place it’s absolutely stunning.

9’s for B&C, Norm and Jess, Courtney and Hans got 8.5 and at the bottom again were Hayden and Sara with a 6.5

On reflection of the judging Sara is actually taking the if you’ve got nothing nice to say don’t say anything at all approach. Enjoy the silence because it looks like next week she’s back to hammering it out with Husband Hayden. Everyone’s broke. Everyone’s stretched. Should be good.

Until then:

Froffy On Dunny

The Block Gatwick Episode 28

Naughty Nettys

Last night it was dodgy accounting, or something, that Scotty harangued B&C over (they just said yep, whatevs, make it right and we’ll pay it) and by all accounts tonight Sara will be donning her dibber dobber nappies to try and take them down. And we’re in the middle of a cooking challenge, which is in the middle of Hallway/Laundry/Powder-room week, which is a short week because of the Friday public holiday.

Sara In The Kitchen

So that’s not the hired help at Courtney and Hans’ oven, it’s Sara… did she forget to put one in her joint? I don’t think so. What the what? Courtney and Hans apparently love cooking and enjoy cooking together so have high hopes that they’ll win this challenge to cook 50 portions of food (Sri Lankan curry is their choice) and serve it up over the road at Circa at The Prince at a charity do.

Jess and Norm have also turned to Sri Lanka for inspiration, but Jess is starting strong by using garlic from out of a jar “We have a saying in our house: why would ya mince when ya don’t have ta”.

Should be a pretty interesting insight how the couples deal with each other at home, B&C have got a chef dude from the sponsor in to help them out because they do not cook (remember the wine fridge in favour of a dishwasher in the kitchen reveal!!)

But it’s Domain walk around time too, and while Scotty visits Courtney and Hans he brings up invoices with them too and the reminder that no one can buy anything for a discount that’s greater than 50% (I thought he mentioned B&C but in Courtney and Hans’ reflective interview they guessed that it was girls because their lights are so flash.

I suppose this is how we get to the secret squirrel palava where Sara drops a bombshell to Scotty…

Poppercorns

Too busy giggling at Husband Hayden calling her Nigella, the cap of her peppercorns pops off and a mountain of pepper sprays into her massive bowl of ‘bikini’ slice mixture. Scoops it all out, no drama. Jess however had to get chef help too and was told she’d need to cook her spices first so literally just dumped a container of Keen’s Curry Powder into a saucepan. If they’re just ground from ‘fresh’ you definitely need to do this as a base, using ghee or an oil of some sort. Or that’s how I do it, anyway. Deary me.

Ah, Courtney and Hans are doing their own paste

Spices

I hope they win the challenge, for the effort they’re putting in.

Scotty et al go visit Kerrie and Spence, load up on the meatballs they’ve been making for the challenge (Heathens! It’s Good Friday remember! btw), and get the lowdown on their design for the Hallway/Laundry/Powder-room. Then Scotty drops it again that some contestants haven’t been paying enough for their lights (as a warning).

But just like at any other community bake off the rumour mill is swirling already, Courtney dropping a morsel Hans’ way about B&C allegedly getting one of their trades to do some painting for them which is against the Block Bible Rules. Courtney found this out from her brand new bestie Sara.

Time for the walk through with Husband Hayden giving it his best, and got up to something about backlit banana paper and everyone kinda moved on. Scotty drops his bombshell, which gives Sara the perfect segue to rekindle the times she was in primary school and dobbed on someone to the teacher. This was their reaction

Listening To Sara

Scotty, with the marvels of everything being recorded in the competition that is The Block, is able to demonstrate to us how Sara got the tidbit about B&C allegedly getting someone else to paint. It was from a third party. So Sara’s fourth hand knowledge is getting explained by Jess, and we see the exchange outside some shop. Jess, in a couch interview, takes us through how she thinks Sara is attuned to anything to do with Bianca and Carla, and we all know that she means that Sara most likely wants to take them out. Jess “I think I’ve accidentally started a Sara-fire”. Still not clear where Jess got her intel from.

But Foredan has appeared like a genie from a bottle to explain his part in it all, he says he went into B&C’s apartment for a routine check and noticed some other tradie called Dan up on a ladder and doing something to a pelmet to make it wet. Dan adding that another trade needed to get the drapes up or something so the sparkie thought he’d help a mate out. But nah, no, not on. Sara hopes “they get everything they deserve”.

Sara Beaming

She couldn’t be happier. But Alice from Domain, not so much when she jumps in with Scotty and Shelley to see what Norm and Jess have in mind for their H/L/P. Jess is already a bit freaked out by Alice - she told them to clean up their bedroom a few weeks back - and is worried they’ll be judged on the state of their kitchen mid-challenge cook. No. That’s not this issue, Alice had a very similar look on her face to me when I saw what I know now is Norm and Jess’ “powder-room”

Domain Face

Then it’s pretty much a let’s talk about B & C behind their backs. Must be a consequence of lack of human interaction with the outside world.

Scotty enters B&C world, they start talking about the lights and then he has to tell them no, and explains Sara’s grievance. Then it gets quickly to that awkward moment when you’re confronted with a question about why you did or didn’t do something and no matter how you state your case, to some it’s just going to sound like an excuse. Even if you’re really just stating a fact.

Explanation

They accepted Scotty’s proposed punishment - a $1000 fine to the Fr Bob Maguire foundation, the recipient of the proceeds from the cooking challenge. Fr Bob is a fixture around the inner south and has been a media performer too since before I was born, but aside from that he’s always worked in Outreach, starting (if my memory serves) the Open Family Foundation which was one of the first charities I got involved with back in high school for youth homelessness.

Hans’ emphatic pitch has netted he and Courtney a much needed $5000 from Domain, despite all of that, in the kitchen, they have their first on-camera barney! Like any good dinner party they better pretend to get over it for the guests they’re about to face over at Circa at The Prince.

There’s live entertainment from “Crooner” Luke Elliott (not on my radar, sorry) and Block house owner and colleague of mine Dave Hughes. After the food goes out Shelley tells everyone that $10,000 was raised for the Fr Bob Foundation. But who won the cooking challenge? Wow, non cooks Norm and Jess.

Another time check we learn that it’s Saturday night. Norm is up a ladder in the hallway talking to his new love Alexa again marveling that she can change the colour of the lights on a whim, but downstairs I don’t really know how to explain this:

Pony

Oh no that was a bit of a flashback to last night, it’s Sunday now and Jess FM is back on. In the hard hitting radio program she gets Sara on to clear up the sparkie painting for B&C rumours with Carla as a talkback caller. Apparently that’s all cleared up now. Ok. Good.

But rather than confected drama, an actual drama occurs and someone’s sprung a leak! More after the break though and then a quick progress check on everyone’s H/L/P. Courtney’s asking for a light to be an ‘eeee-errrr’ bit lower, Sara claims she’s on the tools more than HusbandHayden, Bianca’s trying to prepare stuff for her trades to get them organised.

Then Foredan sees water coming down through Hayden and Sara’s powder room, water’s shut off but it’s futile and Dan sprints upstream to find that someone somehow has put a nail through the water pipe in B&C’s powder room. Everyone looks a bit stunned and Carla says she’s a bit scared about the outcome when told she has to go down to Hayden (and Sara) to smooth things over. Just pretend they’re a Silver Fern and smash ‘em!

It’s half an hour til tools down, Hayden’s going to have to do some Keith style ripping of the ceiling to alleviate the water pool and the Sunday night ep looks like a cracker from the preview and the first real potential for a couple of contestants not finishing properly and another tantalising snapshot of Sara snapping it multiple times.

Until then

x

The Block Gatwick Episode 27

Rip It Up

Dad Keith is off to a flier, ordering all the kiddies to clean their rooms. Sara takes it exceptionally well, chucking a pretty good tanty and literally chucking planks of wood around in protest. She says she doesn’t care about being seen doing it. In fact she doesn’t give a f*&k. She says.

Everything’s hectic upstairs at B & C’s, trades are getting jammed because of various delays and wotnot, and something about a tiler needed so shaggy haired Macca the Builder goes yeah nah I’ll do your tiling. Handy. Meanwhile Spence doesn’t even have a tiler or seem to have even thought of one. No cash Courtney gives her styling advice using a 70s sponge cake as an analogy.

Interesting, so Foreman Dan is only checking now (65% finished) that everyone’s going to have a level floor at the front door. Whaaaaaa? Now? Only seems to be a problem thought at B&C’s place. C’mon shaggy haired Macca, what’s going on?

Floor Up

Yikes, the herringbone floorboards have to come up, luckily the glue hadn’t set. Yet.

Oop I spoke to soon, the levels are out with Hayden and Sara too. Dan says to Hayden how could it have happened under his watch when he’s a project manager, Dan estimates an 8 hour job, Hayden reckons that’s BS so Dan questions whether he even cares. Dan, Hayden has enough to deal with.

But Hans is all “hold my beer” as he notices a bow in their ceiling, so Keith gets up on a ladder and his professional opinion went something like “Woah. That’s a lot of water up there”. Hans asks is there a temporary solution? Keith says “Just drill a hole and let it drain”. OK then. Tarps down!

Drill A Hole

I think you’re going to need a bigger bucket mate! Nah, turns out that it dribbled out a bit but not content with that Keith drills another hole, and another, and then six more before deciding that wasn’t good enough and hacks a manhole size flap in the plaster. Oh no worries, that should just buff out…

Manhole

And decrees: this ceiling has to come down. But due to the water coming from an external issue, they don’t have to fix it.

Jess and Norm have been pretty absent so far, Jess is pretty non-plussed about putting her hallway together. She jumps back online for some Art and spots a red piece she quite likes - remember she’s got a sophisticated gut - and the retailer tells her that it’s selling for $150THOUSAND.

So google helps Jess out and she stumbles upon the St Kilda Art Crawl. Unreal! A great local initiative. But back the truck up! Jess was a what?

Bowls Queen

She bowled for Australia. Amazing! But why is she meeting her old bowling buddy Mick Pacholli at Tolarno when the premier social bowls club St Kilda Sports Club (known to us as The Bowlo, or once upon a time I referred to it as my lounge room) is only a block further up! Anyway she’s talking to Mick about getting some local art - Mick coordinates various artists in residence and installations and stuff around the hood and he’s even putting on a writer’s festival in the next couple of weeks.

Back to The Block and it’s going great guns again up with B&C they’ve got their floor ripped up and re-laid already. Hayden doesn’t seem to be having as much of a swift recovery. We get some footage of late-night exhausted dancing and we should be seeing a new day very soon.

Diddums, everyone’s got crook. Might be similar to what I had last week. Awful but it passes. Kerrie’s on a mission to get some art to shake off the staid look they’d had a bit of criticism for and if it’s the piece I saw in their hallway YES THANKS. Off to Armadale it looks like and yep it’s the Firebird. 100 points to you Kerrie

Firebird

Jess had to leave the Block to get some fab prints, she had some articles about the opening of The Gatwick framed up, I noted them near the bedroom and I really did like the touch, very thoughtful. Norm is barely alive from his epic ManFlu. And they find out that their plasterers are hoping to finish up early, today for family time. Sounds like they assumed the site was in lock-down for the weekend like every other site in Victoria. Might need to communicate that. Am guessing it really was Easter after all (that I’d assumed last night).

Jess rings seemingly about fifty plasterers and one guy said yeahkay. But nokay, he didn’t have the right tickets. So he’s gonski before startski.

B&C are summoned to The Block Shop to meet with Scotty and the Bank Manager. Invoice irregularities! They may have to pay more for the lights than they’d so far forked out - just a lazy $5k is now due. I love when drama is thrown at the girls they just reply “yeah ok”, don’t flare up and do what is required.

Time is running out but there’s got to be a group challenge called… c’mon Scotty. Yay! A cooking challenge, most of them don’t like cooking! Hahahahaha they have to cook for 100 on the deck at Circa (upstairs from the Prince). Not only that, the contestants have to sell tickets to the lunch for the Fr Bob Maguire Foundation.

Ohh boo they get chef help to sort out ingredients for the dish they think they want to make. Sara’s making a bikini slice (Bacon and Zucchini perhaps). But they all go on a separate field trip to the South Melbourne Market (I’m there at least once a week!) if they weren’t driving they could get the 96 tram door to door and it takes about ten minutes max.

Wow and we see a budding BFF relationship between Courtney and Sara…

S and C Metropol

The new besties have been at the Metro Woolworths up the road, where the 96 tram turns into the ‘light rail’ into the city (the site of the former St Kilda Train Station where the start of this classic Hunters and Collectors video was filmed. Trains stopped running July 1987. Now in that space there’s a fab hairdressers Yoshiko and a pub and the very tasty Pizza e Birra. Just up from the supermarket is the Bowlo I was talking about before)

‘night!

The Block Gatwick Episode 26

Hall Pass

Not sure if any of you caught the must-see-tv of A Current Affair between the News and The Block tonight but Jess was on it and they were talking about trolls and she read out some of the nasty correspondence she (and Norm) have been getting on Facebook and Twitter. Honestly horrific slurs on their character and appearance, plus we learn that Courtney has been receiving death threats over the pool. Jess, clearly does get affected by the words by real people, but she seems to have a great attitude to call it out and ultimately laugh it off. I’m (touch wood) pretty immune from the worst of the worst trolling and I love Social Media stay safe and be nice everyone!

TUNE! The Hardest Button To Button! I’ve never known what that means but it’s a cracking track from The White Stripes who played in St Kilda at the much loved and much missed Pure Pop Records early on in their career (when they were still pretending to be brother and sister…who were married…) they did some telly here too.

Scotty talks about Kerrie and Spence getting the clean sweep of 10s for last night’s kitchen reveal and the camera crew show them having pretty low key celebrations over muesli. It really is superb. I must post that sneaky vid I took of it tonight on my Insta that I promised last night.

I want what Courtney’s on! Ever energetic and ready to riff she’s providing a song and dance routine this time for Hallway Week. (And laundry and powder-room/s)


They check in with Norm and Jess who look a little concerned about the amount of ground they need to cover and that it’s three vastly different oeuvres. (Jess didn’t say oeuvre but I think that’s the general vibe).

Maybe this is the week I’ll see the formation of The Most Pointless Room On The Block Ever dot org dot au.

Hallway MC

UmmmmAhhhhh someone’s blacked out one of Sara’s teeth in the publicity shot on the wall!

Gap Tooth Sara

Husband Hayden after another fight? No barneys yet as they sign off on some details about their laundry, which is going to have similar features to their bees dick away from winning kitchen. Good move.

Bianca and her wonky hard hat have a conference with Carla stepping through how their hallway is going to be structured with the artwork they want, and they’re going to uplight it. Ooh la la!

Chipper Keith and Dan remind everyone (well just B&C) that with the public holiday on Friday, the ‘wet areas’ must be started today (Monday) and waterproofed tomorrow. But doesn’t look like they have the people booked in for that to happen. Ruh Roh.

When too much Led Zeppelin is never enough, they get us back out of the break as everyone goes into panic mode to get their three-in-one reveals underway. I’m trying to work out what public holiday there was on a Friday and I can only think of the big one - Good Friday… so does that mean restrictions on other days too or are they going just a bit heathen and respecting the one major day? Who am I to judge, this year was the first time In My Life that I ate a meat product on Good Friday. Won’t the nuns be turning in their grave (and not for the first time about my behaviour)!

Courtney and Hanseses hallway is 17 metres long, they tell us, that’s 55 feet(ish). Yikes that’s right they also don’t got no cash! So they have to take the controversial lady painting from their master bedroom to the hock shop. Oh no sorry, The Block Shop.

Goodbye Lady Goodbye

Remember I noted down in that room reveal ep blog Courtney had the palm painting there too and I wondered where it may or may not go, on the wall now! But “Harriehighpants” has a no refund policy, like most shops, so they can put that amount towards something else. Which is a good segue for a big shopping segment for everyone to get their tiles and wotnots.

Oh I forgot that Kerrie and Spence got a fancy toilet in their barrage of safe goodies, how does it go Kerrie?

Toily Woo Woo

A bit of a woo woo on your hoo hoo and a “bit of a ball tickle”, according to Spence.

Ominous music as everyone piles into the cars, they’re heading off to the buyer’s advocates. I have amnesia when it comes to this aspect of the competition/show. Interesting, as B&C drive off with Jess and Norm, Jess says that she reckons the girls’ apartment and Kerrie and Spence will be the most desirable to the buyer’s advocates. Which is pretty much how I feel after seeing them all finished last week.

Right so the buyer’s advocates have already been into the apartments (65% complete) and the ‘best one’ gets ten grand, now packages of them walking through each one and giving their opinion.

Sorry went to make a cup of tea, what’s been happening? Oh and I went down the shops for a packet of bikkies. Then washed the cat. Where’s the remote?

Summation please Scotty? No! Ok just scores to tally from the advocates. Ooh and Jess decides to use their +1 bonus gnome. Wake me when it’s done. Oh fer crying out loud another freakin adbreak.

Wow by one and a half points (so only just with the gnome) Norm and Jess get the bikkies. So Bianca and Carla miss out again!? Crazy!

Next morning the crews wake up Norm and Jess and Bianca and Carla respectively, Jess seems a little flat despite the win focusing on some comments from social media about them being the ugly ducklings of the penthouse or something and then B&C seem extremely flat after not winning the advocates prize. Fair enough. But someone’s about to bring the fun…

Jess Wow

B&C went to grab a coffee and I think I saw Courtney in there and Kerrie too but they schlepped back over to be greeted to a bit of whimsy. B&C’s trades all pop on a Melbourne Vixens netty dress and jump on the tools, the girls look genuinely delighted at the ridiculous gesture. Of course Sergeant and Constable Plod Foremans Keith and Dan enter in a “What’s this? Oh no! Too much for my heterosexual eyes” pantomime. Here’s the lineup!

The New Vixens

Enough of the manly shenanigans, Keith and Dan have to go tut tut about some NQR waterproofing to remind everyone again why we’re here (Hallway week is flipped arse about to do laundry week first oh and powder-room).

What’s that Skip? Holes in the membrane the size of 20 cent pieces? Crikey! (*not actually size of 20 cent pieces), what a setback for B&C.

Anyhoo the preview for tomorrow or later in the week is tantalising! Hayden cracks it, Jess cries, Scotty cracks it and Sara chucks some timber around and at some point in and around all that Keith is forced to yell “I’m shuttin’ yez down!” Get the popcorn ready chickens!

The Block Gatwick Kitchen Reveal

I Want Them All

There’s been a number of opportunities this week to take a gander at The Gatwick in all its completed glory (if you do a hashtag search or three on Instagram you’ll probably see more than you bargain for with some people uploading photos of stuff that hasn’t gone to air yet)… I took some sneaky snaps but mindful of where the show is at, I’ll only post a couple of little photos that don’t give anything away.

It’s not the first series I’ve had a look around before auction day and this time I’ve had two looks - one at about half way and one the other day 100% completed. There’s been a few changes here and there to some of the apartments but not a lot of things (remember Courtney having a conniption about the lady or the palm… as an example) and the television really gives a different perspective! I did not hate the weird hallway in Courtney and Hans’ master bedroom - in real life it makes a tonne of sense. Jess and Norm’s bedroom lights look completely different - on the telly I loved them but up close, not as much.

And wait until you see the terrace’s! OMG. This is why I have trouble picking one. If I had eff off money I’d go with Bianca and Carla’s - it’s ridiculously spectacular (the view, the size, the everything). Kerrie and Spence’s is terrific and will probably be a strong contender on the day of the auction. I love Courtney and Hans’ for the space but I could probably nick a couple of things from Sara and Hayden and Jess and Norm to make it even more perfect, for me. Jess and Norm’s view of Fitzroy Street will be a lot of fun for whoever gets it.

Also: I am a renter and have an impeccable rental history if anyone needs me to take care of their investment property at The Gatwick… mates rates though please, reckon market will be out of my league sadly.

Also also: if you’re planning on being the successful bidder of Bianca and Carla’s penthouse, check all the cupboards and other hideout spaces because they may be in there. I saw them sitting on their couches the night I went in for a wander and they seem to have no intention of leaving and I don’t blame them!

Ok, show time! Ooh that’s right someone’s going to get a couple of 10s! I can guess who that might be but I don’t want to guess out loud and jinx it. Hopefully it’s the one I took a video of I loved it so much!

Ah games night I missed it when I was out… I hope they played Cards Against Humanity! Maybe not appropriate for the timeslot or the vaguely family friendly vibe. Sadly. Oh no of course not because they’ve launched The Block Monopoly. I don’t understand the bargaining of Jess asking for percentages of other’s takings. It’s become a lot more sophisticated when I used to play. And when I used to play the pieces were just plastic coloured things that were tagine shaped. No fancy wheelbarrows or whatever is in the ‘normal’ game.

Sara pulling out a genuine funny when they got a community chest equivalent card “You win Bathroom week. Oh that’s a change!” But pretty soon after she’s yelling at Husband Hayden again after a trade with Jess went wrong.

Hang on though as Kelis’ iconic track Milkshake plays suddenly I’m willing to test out whether I am indeed lactose intolerant or not

Got Milk

I don’t understand why and how that interrupted the Monopoly sequence but - way to go B&C

Now there’s a Cluedo style investigation about who’s colluding with who to strategically win this game of Block Monopoly.

But if you try sometime… you find you get what you need (thank you for another cranking track god bless the glimmer twins)

It never rains in St Kilda (lies) and it’s flooding in The Gatwick old section which is really concerning, but great piece coming back in from the adbreak (I’ve never known what this is called thank god for the google microphone ‘listen’ function it’s Flower Duet or Lakmé, for the bilingual at home)

Oh yeah, sorry that everyone’s dealing with the major issues but TERRITORIAL PISSINGS by Nirvana now! You really get me music editors.

Rain


Yuck. That’s that type of rain that sets in and says tools down, it’s off to the pub for a parma! Or an indulgent nana nap.

Oh stupid me, after 42 years you’d think I’d realise that it’s Melbourne weather so the front moves through and they’re all back to work to finish off the kitchens (remember that’s what we’re here for tonight).

As we build up to Scotty checking his watch and whistling at The Block for tools down, Hans rolls with another top choice via their branded kitchen device (Alexa) and I’m yet again impressed with the interpretive dance styles of Courtney

Final Countdown

And we see while some madly rub and scrub, Kerrie insists on keeping with cut leeks as a styling option (stinky!) and B&C do their now trademark couch snooze.

Judging time already

Bianca and Carla were told by Shelley that their butler’s pantry was a monumental waste of space. Hmmm… it was more impressive than my actual kitchen. But it’s not up to me: Sexy and sophisticated and nailing their market so far they all think it’s just greatsch. The study nook for dwarves doesn’t get much other than derision. Woah no bin! Big no no! Oh it’s round the back where the living area can’t see it with the dishwasher. And the ginormous everything else.

Norm and Jess have the Get Smart theme to build up to the judges’ appraisal. Poor Norm almost broke again laying the floor. The judges coo over the marble bench top and they really like the cupboard finishes but expected them to be “more Scandi” leading Norm to ask “What’s Scandi”? Fair question but didn’t it used to be that Danish design was the BOMB and now it’s just reduced to Scandi… Oh Alexa for turning on the tap how cute but what happens if there’s a power outage! No bin here either! And they didn’t like the placement of the sink so close to the edge of the bench. I think it’s something I would easily get used to. Especially when you have another kitchen out the back. Oh also with a massive double sink. The Hogan Bogans love doubling up don’t they! The chevron tiles get the tick and I must admit I had to run my fingers over them in lust

Chevron Tiles

Wonder if anyone thought of doing a Kosher kitchen.

Ha Addams Family for Hayden and Sara’s package. Oooh black kitchen, this is going to be interesting. And I’ve just remembered why I forgot what their kitchen was like from when I saw it last week. The judges reckon that the whole living space makes sense now with the orientation of their island bench. To be honest I didn’t notice the seating with storage under the windows and that’s also a pretty nice nod to deco era kitchens, often there’s a “breakfast nook” so built in seating is great to work in with their half and half idea they’re rolling with. Four ovens what heaven! Ha no powerpoints but like a moth to a summer light they’ve found Narnia (the butler’s pantry) it’s not wowing them but they do like it Shaynna would like to see some sophisticated styling. A few jars of dried pasta aint enough? Not one of the judges mentioned the sink. It was an abrasive black material that I reckon will be a complete bitch to keep clean.

Bewitched Courtney and Hans had the wobbly wall that was going to block their light what will the judges make of it? Dapper Neale starts of “it’s going to be divisive isn’t it” too disconnected from the living area. Not enough stools and not enough island bench space to sit around. The suggestion of a galley kitchen along the window might have been better. I LOVED the gold cabinetry and I’m not a gold person, it was really soft in colour, looks much brighter on the telly. The butler’s pantry is functional but at what expense. Big tick for the styling. Ohhh conniption Courtney regrets not changing the plans. Heartbreaking but yeah using the windows would have been great and then a massive pantry but not ‘second kitchen’ but everyone’s a critic with hindsight.

Kerrie and Spence got to spend up big with all their ‘safe’ prizes. I’m now thinking that this is what made me realise that I loved their apartment so much when I walked in… Shaynna nails it “It feels like home already”. Their integrated stools are great, very solid so you’ll never feel like you’re tipping unlike some bench seating which freaks me out. They love the styling and get the vibe of the produce and what it’s trying to evoke. As Shaynna opens everything she possibly can in the butler’s the only thing that comes to mind is that she wants to marry it. And so do I. It’s PERFECT. If they don’t get the 10s, I’m walking out. After I post my sneaky video to my Insta.

Moment of truth time, tally em up Scotty! Oh not before we get to see another set of fake bands coming up at The Palais!


Fake Bands

Maggie and the Noodles, very good they could probably get a Tuesday residency at Cherry Bar; Digby and the RJs (was that originally going to be the BJs but someone thought better of it?); and Marble Arches (isn’t that an actual thing!?)

Dazza gives B&C 8.5 Norm and Jess 9 Sara and Hayden 9.5 Courtney and Hans 8 Kerrie and Spence 10 (bang!) Sara will be spewing

Shaynna always a bit harder B&C 8.5 Norm and Jess 8 Hayden and Sara 9.5 Courtney and Hans 7.5 (not surprisingly) Kerrie and Spence get another 10!

Dapper Neale gets the deciding vote, I’d be surprised if he gives Kerrie and Spence an 8 or under to lose… oh thank god for that the clean sweep for Kerrie and Spence there really wasn’t an other option!

It was good to see Sara genuinely pleased with her efforts.

Hallway, laundry and powder-room week with another public holiday banged in there for good measure. Oh I wonder if we’ll get to see the most ridiculous room in Block history that I noticed on my walk through… how’s that for a tantalising hook Scotty!

See you tomoz

The Block Gatwick Episode 23


WHY CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG

Jess FM is back and she’s going to have Courtney and Hans on the show and is determined to get to the bottom of the duplicitous nature of pool-gate. Why do I get the feeling that she’s going to be surprised by what she hears. Or something.

Oh and kitchen week continues.

I want a butlers pantry. Actually I just want a functional kitchen. Check out my oven!

Rosewal Oven



Ok shhh everyone it’s moment of truth time:

Courtney starts of by saying how they were initially “wow that’s awesome” then in separate on camera interviews she said she got scared and Hans said they’re not good at confrontation.

It then goes on and Hans talks about the confusion and being told by real estate agent that it will jeopardise them winning $100k, Jess says how is money worth more than friendship (it’s a friggin competition you sweet, sweet lady).

Tears flow.

Jess is grieving for their friendship and didn’t like that they were talked about behind their backs and “double snookered”.

A bit of hugging then a bit more truth and Jess sums it up essentially that it’s a stupid circular argument going nowhere and let’s stop talking about it now.

Kerrie’s in all sorts again trying to work out how to style her Kitchen (her bathroom choices were too beige) so she goes to the sponsor Freedom for some help… But then in a couch interview with Spence they talk about how she’s gonna have this to wow the judges:

Leeks

LEEKS? THEY STINK!? It will leave an impression alright…

So many non cookers in the competition, Sara likes the picture of what looked like a steak on her Bosch oven and the girls have gone with Siemens for their intuitive products, Carla dropping that she did all the wiring the night before

Wiring

Scotty said something technical about what she actual did, am presuming it wasn’t anything too important or drastic. So anyway Carla keeps banging on about her achievements (it’s good to see someone finally do some work) and tells the oven guy, made a video about it, rang Dan the sparky again to debrief. BUT Carla gets a call back from Dan the sparky to say Emma the OH/S person onsite says a full investigation about unauthorised work is imminent!

Oops Foredan is back in the penthouse, saying “we might have to rip all of this out”

GatwickOfCourseHavent.PNG

Carla begins to question her keen-ness to help yesterday: “The inspector also said that the electrician may lose his licence”

And “Being stupid and being an idiot is suddenly becoming serious”.

Ohhhh the shenanigans! What a stitch up!

Our Little Wirer

I’ve been a bit late with this one, knocked over by a rotten head cold and this tune really lifted my spirits - to the sky in fact

Dan’s poking around Courtney and Hans’ where they’ve put in a wobbly wall to dissect their kitchen from their butler’s pantry which also blocks out the original sash windows (!!??) but there’ll be some sort of light portal thing at the top of the wobbly wall which will help stabilise it but let some light through from the tiny original windows


How Ya Goin

It’s a bit “How Ya Goin’”, apparently.

Then Courtney and Hans find out they’ve not got enough money to finish their apartment. That must be slightly annoying! Then more shenanigans with a nicked trolley so Spence ends up leaving again (ha!) with Kerrie down to the Pier (it really is lovely there) and Kiosk!

Night Pier

Oh and they do the Little Penguins walk! You can go any night about an hour after sunset to see the little tackers on the rocks, there are volunteers who run the program and just be respectful of their colony home with no flash photography etc.

Little Penguins

Back to the Block, Hayden and Sara are ready for their floors to be installed in the morning and they’re not fighting (!!); Courtney and Hans are behind, again; Norm just has to get his herringbone parquetry laid what a crappy job to do when it’s not something that you usually do.

Then some dickheads in workers outfits do a rendition of the 90s troupe Stomp to wake everyone up (everyone’s actually delighted by their skill once they work out what the cacophony is) who serve them with an “invitation” to go out for a challenge. Norm almost wanted to deck them as they were doing it on his contentious floor (and fair enough too) but there’s not much that’s initmidating about a skinny bloke in jocks

Norm Not Happy

Off they go across the Westgate Bridge to the Newport Railyards and playing is a great driving tune by Sweet

Much disappointment that they’re not going to get to reno an old train but they’ll be doing some steel sculptures for their terrace! The winner gets $5000. Courtney and Hans desperate to win because they have zero bucks.

Everyone gets help from an expert, Courtney and Hans are joined by Carla (whose work I have seen and it’s AMAZING) and they decide a neon palm tree would be great:

Palm Sketch

Kerrie and Spence had already gone with a pendant pot plant holder slash light; B and C found “inspiration” on Pinterest and theirs is a sphere with a plant in it; Sara also looked to Pinterest and Hayden helped develop an idea of their own using features from The Gatwick as a reference point (bickering ensues); Norm and Jess go for a steel bench to sit on.

Everyone gets on the tools today and that’s some of Carla’s work in the background

Working

Jess even scoped their surroundings and found some railway sleepers that were on a ‘rubbish’ pile, so she sanded one back

Sanding Jess


“Sara demands a lot but doesn’t do a lot” is the perfect summation from Amy who’s helping with the steel work today when Sara is harrumphing in a corner saying she needs it finished so she can put her plants in it… HEY IT’LL BE FINISHED WHEN IT’S FINISHED. The only grinding Sara is doing is gears…

Grinding Gears


Kerrie and Spence finished ages ago, Sara is telling some poor guy ‘nup the other way’ as he presents her with the finished metal ‘diamond’ for her precious plants, and Courtney and Hans have an hour of work to do to get the neon onto their palm frame in half and hour. Then there’s a fight about the plants Sara chose. Jess is still sanding her bench oh no now she’s varnishing it and popping it onto Norm’s frame.

Meanwhile Sara is shoving neon tubing into the base of the diamond to help light up the plant from the inside because Hayden said it would look good - since when does she listen to him - and then she’s descended upon by Shelley and Amy who say NO DON’T it’s just lovely the way it is! Resignedly Sara says “ok just grind it up then” to make it even shinier!

Kerrie and Spence help Courtney and Hans out a little bit and then it’s tools down, forever condemnatory Courtney in a couch interview runs through what everyone else has done and praises their creative choices - three plant holders and a garden bench - and wonders why they did this


Palm

But what will the judges think!? We’ll have to find out next episode.

The Block Gatwick Episode 22

Get In Your Kitchen

Walking home earlier today past the next Block and looks like the previous tenants have left a bike for Scotty (reportedly it's his preferred mode of transport around town when he 'lives' here for the shoot), chained up to the fire hydrant at the front. Site's officially secure and preparations must be imminent! And we're only half way through the Gatty season...

Oslo Today

 

Ooh in the taster for the week Keith looks like he's getting even crankier and Courtney has to justify her behaviour about something!? Tantalising!

The buyer's advocates will be doing a walk through this week and don't they look like  barrel of fun! A sleepy Sara is pumped up early though because it's time for everyone to go check out each other's lounge and dining efforts "I love bagging everyone out" (and somehow I don't think she's joking).

You know what I like most about Bogan Hogan Jess? She's a thinker. A deep but practical thinker. In Courtney and Hans' winning room she points out the one but major flaw of the secret bar that I loved so much last night - what happens if the power goes off? You can't get a drink? Potential, life-threatening disaster!

Really the only thing people could pick on in B&C's lounge was the *shock horror* white wine glasses with red wine decanter! Heathens who clearly didn't deserve to win so the half a point less was justified! (If the wine needs a special glass to taste better it can't be that good...surely)

In we go to Norm and Jess' - what will the other contestants make of the tonsil. Obviously the placement wasn't their first choice so that interrupted the styling. Meh no one really seemed to worried. Sara was most put out about the olive tree in the corner "Why would ya?"

The verdict for Kerrie and Spence is that only tall people (Dapper Neale last night and Bianca tonight) find the ceiling too low and a big tick from most people for the fancy mirror telly.

"This is nicer than I expected" starts the assessment of Hayden and Sara's apartment, the fireplace is not impressing anyone.

Oooh and after the adbreak the poo-poo pool party!

Nope, too early for the drama we check in with Norm and Jess' plans for their kitchen "We're going to marble the shit out of everything" to try and out-style B&C.

Hokey dokey, drama time! Courtney and Hans were made to pinky swear not to tell anyone about the plans for the pool, but too late. Sara found out and started blabbing already. But that was all last week, now she wants to call a Body Corporate so they can all vote. Courtney, while slightly slagging off my beautiful city, asks a fairly valid question "why do you need a pool in Melbourne"? Especially with the beach a few hundred metres away. More to come.

Hans, meanwhile, is dealing with another challenge - a support beam in an annoying spot. But they'll incorporate it into the kitchen bench somehow. 

Body Corporate meeting time! Dear Normie asks what is this about and Sara, without much information at all she bowls right into it "So has anyone got any plans for a pool?" and makes a half hearted case with Hayden about concern of getting flooded. Courtney and Hans must be coming down with the flu, they don't look very well here

What Is Wrong With Courtney and Hans

Ah Jess "the silent assassins" she calls Courtney and Hans, Hayden and Sara continued with their prosecution and Jess rather measuredly countered their arguments, noting in her post meeting interview that Courtney and Hans left Hayden and Sara hanging. Sara plows on: "No. We're not saying no" you can't have a pool. But Bianca needs to know what they're all trying to achieve and Sara says they all need to vote so Bianca asks her what her vote is? Exasperated sigh. (So that's a no then).

Scotty steps in, explains that it's an extraordinary problem to have because it's a first for the season, he tells everyone to sleep on it but had pointed out that Norm and Jess require 75% of the vote to proceed with the pool.

WOAH some good old fashioned bitching behind backs occurs where Jess goes to debrief with Bianca, Jess says she likes how Sara is upfront but she and Bianca reckon Courtney is "two-faced". The audio doesn't lie. That's a big claim!

And neither does the footage it seems. The cameras spot Hans walking back down Fitzroy Street from meeting with their Real Estate Agent, he said it was to ask about whether a pool upstairs would affect the potential sale of their property, but when Courtney was asked if the meeting was about anything she said "nothing specific". Is this the duplicity the others were talking about? Surely not the all singing, all dancing jet-setters!?

Courtney's voice goes up an alarming register when protesting to the camera crew that she "swear to god" they weren't "catching up with the agent to talk about the" effing pool.  *gesticulate gesticulate* Hans says he was talking about the pool but the Estate Agent didn't seem too fussed. The Estate Agent pretty much says that's bullshit and barely stops himself from saying we're here to make money! He changed it to "win". Much more companionable in the spirit of the competition.

Someone's lying and for the first time I don't think it's an Estate Agent

Courtney Lies

Before the Body Corporate vote Scotty reminds us that it's Day 2 of Kitchen week - has anyone done any work yet? Oh my god, listening to all the preamble it's like being back in primary school!

It doesn't last long though cause Keith has to go sort some stuff out at Courtney and Hans' where he's worried some cheating is about to happen with some joists being laid to far ahead in the hallway, giving them a head start for later in the project. Floor dude Dave won't be happy and I think we all recall from the previews, he'll be walking out that front door and never coming back.

Joists

There'll be no jumping for joists around here. Except for Norm who's won the good bloke award for the week, "I'm so proud of you for being sad" well said Jess.

Sara's gone to the marble shop and she's opted for B&C's discards, and interestingly she's spelling Lux(e) like I was earlier in the season; it's like we're twins.

Lux

In a bit of a dick swinging competition, the Forebears stand over Dave the floor guy and tell him he needs an attitude readjustment, in the form of being re-inducted. Dave said he's out. This floored* Keith, he wasn't expecting that reaction. Dave was really upset and went back to his employers Courtney and Hans to say goodbye

Dave Upset

*sorry not sorry. Also, I get that a re-induction is a legitimate process to try and resolve an on-site issue but the outcome was pretty dramatic. 'Two faced Courtney' is in a bind now and really really has it in for Keith.

Sara literally almost pissed her pants about Dave quitting. Wow. Different strokes for different folks.

As the contestants stroll across to The Block Shop, the shot is wide enough to get a look at a kind of art installation on the wall there, photos of some 'colourful' St Kilda locals taken by photographer Christopher Rimmer and that dude I've circled in red is my BF! (Full pic and explanation will be right here).

St Kilda Colour

Scotty holds the meeting and points out the vote will be anonymous, this pisses Jess off who'd like the satisfaction of knowing who has turned on them. I reckon Jess is being a bit harsh or Courtney and Hans, it directly affects their apartment, surely they're allowed to say No. Everyone else seems non-plussed, except Sara and Hayden who had already made their case clear.

Three yeses and a no, so of course we get the cliffhanger we all want! NO POOL. Jess does the old "Thanks so much guys, really appreciate it" as she jams her hard hat back on. And then in an overly dramatic gesture mimics being knifed in the back and says the friendship with Courtney and Hans is dying as she slumps from the couch towards the floor.

Aw Keithy ain't so bad after all apparently, while they've been off knocking dreams on the head he's spoken to builder Dave and his buddy "I want to apologise, you're a great bloke and it all went a bit far". Dicks back in pants. Dave accepts and he's back on deck*

*Sorry not sorry again

More hugs, who's laughing now Sara...

Scotty now is telling us there's a secret of some sort so all couples are interviewed about whether they want to fess up. Jess is the one who reveals that they were messing with everyone's minds going through the whole Body Corporate charade because they'd blown their budget for a pool anyway, on more marble. JFHC. I can't deal with these people!

Just A Bit Of Fun

Until tomorrow...

The Block Gatwick Living and Dining Reveal

Break In Transmission

Where art imitates life, or something. I wasn't able to watch or dissect the last episode THE episode reportedly that saw Kerrie and Spence call time out and the one that led Sara to shove the Maccas bag over the camera. And I haven't (yet) had a chance to go back and watch the episode in full as my own life got in the way again of doing this which I'm doing for fun. Back-to-Back twelve hour plus work days that start with a 4am alarm and everything else that gets in the way in between. I hear you Blockers, sometimes you just gotta say when enough's enough. But it's not about me...

Is that a little taste of Jon Spencer Blue's Explosion? That's certainly lifted my spirits on a Sunday night! Let's see the ridiculously huge rooms!

Flirty Keith

Keith's back in high spirits and flirting with B&C telling them they will probably win tonight (highly unethical surely cause who knows what the judges will think).

"Every single room has been a fight to finish" Courtney not really feeling it today.

Jess has a classy olive tree and makes a very nice reference to needing the branches to give out to other contestants (lap pool issue reminder montage incoming)...

Ooh has Sara been visiting Wallpaper Lady again!? Ruh roh she's back from West Elm and not happy about a door. Hayden said everything had been nice and calm and then BAM! Sara says she's going to have The Door taken out, Hayden says nah it's got to be there because no one wants to be looking into the bedroom from the lounge room (fair call) and Sara stands on the wrong side of the door so Hayden shuts it on her and says stop being a stress head. A bit of couch interview time we find out that she has the shits because the decision wasn't hers. We then see Sara back in the room with Hayden saying she'll "throw a hammer through it" if it isn't removed. They then bicker some more with he calling her a dick and she says he can get F*&^ed.

But some people have real problems. Back to Kerrie and Spence's roof: remember they cracked it about replacing some clips? Not a big deal... it's now too heavy. So lights and fans can't go onto their fancy coiffured ceiling. But the forebears offer some solutions, they're nice blokes like that. But they walk off and leave Spence to crowbar his handiwork out but they'd done such a good job it was being as stubborn as Sara

Crowbar

Scotty warns us that things are REAL BAD with Sara and Husband Hayden. 

"GET RID OF THE DOOR. GET RID OF IT"

"IT LOOKS STUPID"

"YOU LOOK STUPID"

Enter Jack:

Jack

Sara yells at Jack to take down the door, he says ok (I'd value my testicles too Jack) and Hayden tells Jack to leave the door alone.

You've ruined it, you've ruined it, you've ruined it! (The photograph wall because the door needs to be shut to see the Luna Park image.)

Point

She has got a point... (sorry)

Scotty gives us a time out with some lovely images of flowers, puppies, mountains, water, kids etc all to Peer Gynt's morning suite.

It's D-Day for Norm and Jess's rotating Jetson's fireplace. This should be a piece of piss... Ooh the dirty C word again - compliance. European specifications aren't the same as Australian specs. Seems like a rookie error to me. So this means that the piece de resistance has to be moved to the middle of the room and the slab of marble needs to be thicker. Jess talks up her Calcutta marble (it's actually Italian). Floor needs to be removed, with a lot of force but Norm seems ok about it all.

Back to hurricane Sara she's tossing around a lot of technical terms about square set and architraves. "They're laughing at you mate because you're being an idiot". You know you're in trouble when you're getting 'mated' by your husband. Stupid cow gets bandied about as well. Bloody nora.

Back upstairs to the fireplace. Jess looks stressed as. Norm looks like he may want to vomit. 52 minutes until power tools down.

DID JESS JUST SAY SHE BOUGHT THE FRIGGEN FIREPLACE FROM GUMTREE?

Give me strength. And Norm.

Of course he's upset Jess, he slogs his guts out and then a major issue is discovered last minute from another thing bought on bloody gumtree! 

Normie

Enjoy your well earned sit down, have your little packet of snack nuts and Keith's got ya back, buddy.

Fast forward to midnight and the couple who were still in bed seemingly only a few hours ago and getting told off for not having painted yet - Hans and Courtney - are furnishing their lounge! Is this the earliest they've ever been?

Early Furnish

And B&C are so far ahead and relaxed they're playing with their Alexa. Also, is that the same couch that Jess was getting?

B and C Alexa

Audio editors give me another boost with this gem from the excellent Transformer album as we check in with Sara and Husband Hayden. Far out, they are STILL  at it and then Scotty shows us footage that jumps ahead two hours and even then it's still ON. Sara saying "I'm over this" Scotty adding "Sara. The rest of Australia is too".

Fade to black. New day dawns.

Conniption Courtney returns convinced that her styling will ruin it for them and they won't get a win, Jess reckons that they'll go for a new record of the most losses in a row, Kerrie and Spence have a lot of stuff to do, B and C are talking about going out for coffee, and Hayden and Sara are talking about getting a divorce. Scotty whistles, I didn't see him check his watch tonight, for some reason, and all couples hug in relief that they actually can't do any more Hayden says Sara is brutal and it's the happiest she's looked the whole episode. I just don't get the dynamic.

Brutal

You want brutal? It's judgement time. Woah we're halfway there...

Kerrie and Spence

After cracking it, walking out, and having another major issue with the ceiling last minute Spence seemed very happy and reckons it's his favourite room. Pressure can get results! Welcome to my life! Ever Dapper Neale is worried that the ceiling is a little low (probably not an issue for midgets like me). Shaynna wonders why such a fancy ceiling isn't left on its own to be admired, piss off the black fan and the busy lights. They like how the room feels as a space to live in.

(How many people tweeted me earlier in the week saying that K&S will have to win because of their walk-out)

A nod to whoever involved with the Block for these made up bands:

Palais Coming Soon

Courtney and Hans

"Oh My God, that just goes on forever!" yes, because it's the biggest room in block history Shaynna. That table is DIVINE. Hahaha Llama in a car turned into artwork. That was one of my most favourite images when Internet sharing first started. GET THE FUCK OUT I want an open sesame bar! 

Is this fluffy cushion the Llama from the car photo?

Llama Lounge

Also, has everyone gone with a light brown leather couch?

Upshot for Courtney and Hans was "they've gone from Zero to Hero" and I don't believe I heard a 'but' in there Scotty!

But now it's time for newly divorced couple Hayden and Sara... Colour palette, floor good, modular couch tick tick tick but here comes the BUT.

(FWIW I reckon it all looks bunched up one end of the room and is there a sitting area anywhere near the fire thingy?)

Darren starts with the electric fireplace (there's no gas in the building... interesting...) Neale says it's a metaphor for the whole room "It's not real". When does his comedy festival show start? They play with Alexa for a bit. Shaynna notes "The fireplace isn't even in my scope of vision". (heh). Darren says the placement of the dining table interrupts the exit to the terrace. Neale hates the Luna Park wall. QUICK COVER IT UP WITH A DOOR..oh you can't. Anymore. 

Gosh Darren's really on a roll today, he even hates the flowers on the dining table 

Three Different Moods

It's three different moods. Personally the droopy ones are best representative of how everyone must feel right about now.

But all attention is diverted to the door without a door. Why? Is the general consensus. Hayden, I hope you have a six pack on ice for the post judging debrief and take down from your beloved wife Sara.

As the judges flee, Darren notices that his book and Shaynna's are on a sideboard, ShaynnaBlaze with the Quote of the Series says "Well they obviously didn't open them".

Books

She and Sara really didn't get along at their one-on-one did they...

Even Scotty sounded exasperated as his moves onto Norm and Jess.

Darren's foaming over the scale of the room(s) and even when Hayden and Sara aren't being judged, they're being judged, for not picking one of the penthouse spots when they could have. Shaynna of course loved the fossil coffee table straightaway and they all loved it more when they read the book that came with the Indigenous pieces.

Darren says he's exploding all over the place... I don't think I can write what he said due to parental warnings. Even the latest indoor tree (olive) gets a tick. BUT it's not all good Scotty hooks us through another ad break...

HAHAHAHA Shaynna is on fire! Meet The Tonsil:

Tonsil

Great camera work zooming in to the monstrosity. Don't ever buy anything off Gumtree again Jess!

But Darren thinks it's fine. Tomato Tomarto again. Shaynna ultimately finds it too polarising. Then onto the dining table, that is apparently too small. Ever Dapper Neale hates the pendant light. The points will be interesting.

Bianca and Carla judgement, they might be justifiably smug this time. I'll get RSI from noting down all the good things said about the rooms. Maybe Keith was right - they will win. 'Bianca and Carla on a good day are bloody good' said Darren BUT Neale doesn't feel it has the impact that Norm and Jess had. Oh and they haven't put in enough lights. And Shaynna uses the term rustic, which I don't think is good.

SCORES!

Darren: A 9 for B&C but a 9.5 for Norm and Jess! A couple of 8s and another 9 he's a high marker.

Shaynna: Gave 9 to B&C but then Norm and Jess a SIX and a half (wow) Hayden and Sara even got more with 7.5; Courtney and Hans get top spot with 9.5 and Kerrie and Spence get a 9 or was it an 8...

Neale: Hidden around the side what is going to happen after Scotty scrawls the numbers and adds them up? Courtney and Hans?

Ohh they did by half a point! Poor B&C but well done flight couple!

Vitamin B

Norm with his tin of Vitamin B looking like he has the world on his shoulders even before we find out in the preview to the week that he's got to lay his own parquetry.

See you tomorrow night for the start of Kitchen week!

The Block Gatwick Episode 19

Honestly, that's so fine

A walk out is promised tonight kids!

Yasss it's Jess FM! That's a ridiculously fancy desk for a narrow broadcast "radio station"!

Jess Desk

At ten past seven on this particular morning Jess rolls with her first broadcast, waking up the Block in a style unlike Robin Williams in Good Morning Vietnam, Frasier, Neil Mitchell or Ray Hadley (what other broadcasters do people know from popular culture) but starts with a bit of scandalous gossip on B&C and alleged fake eyelashes. Sara cops it too for her "eye verandas".

On a roll Jess slams Foreman Keith for his comments about Bianca being arrogant on last night's episode saying he "must feel threatened that it's 2018 and there's a woman on the Block that can beat him in an arm wrestle!" GO JESS!

"Sounds like Keith was being a bit of a dick to be honest!"

Jess Editorial

The microphone is a very powerful tool and Jess uses it to get onto the front foot regarding the whispers and derision over their want to put in a pool. And blames it squarely on Courtney.

Courtney Caught

Jess offers some brilliant insight into radio program producing and getting guests on the show "When you first start a show you pretty much put on whatever guests who say yes"...

And that first guest is - Norm. BIG COUP. They play a parlour game "Kiss. Jail. Throw off a Cliff" 

Norm No Mic

A lack of microphone for Norm doesn't deter them and he'd: kiss Spence; Throw Hans in Jail; and Kerrie will be off the cliff for getting in the way of him kissing Spence. 

The highlight for me though in Jess FM's debut broadcast was Jess telling norm to F&*CK off before she wrapped it up. DUMP BUTTON

So to the actual renovating stuff, but first! The mighty Led Zeppelin play, and if I'm going to share a video it HAS to be this live footage <good to see the music budget's back this week>

Preparations are under way for Spence's fancy ceiling and the wrong acoustic mounts (or clips have been used), can you put this in retrospectively because of the gajillion flats I've lived in the sound from upstairs is intolerable (same for everyone else I know)

Acoustic Clips

If the correct ones are installed properly they sound awesome. But ForeDan has noticed that Spence's are wrong so must be swapped out. Scotty pointedly says "shouldn't be a problem..."

In a pretty impressive mega-mix there's more Led Zeppelin, some Black Keys Gold on the Ceiling, The White Stripes hardest shuffle and Pat Benetar. Wowee. While Scotty runs through everything that Courtney and Hans need to do with their massive lounge and dining space.

Courtney heads off to look at luxe dining chairs and Sara is miffed to discover they rock up to the same joint (google tells me this special outlet is in Springvale MILES away). And to make matters worse they don't have Sara's dream couch in stock (shoulda letya fingers do the walking!) Ruh roh and she's told by the sales assistant that the dining table she prefers will be too small for the intended space! And if that isn't enough she's chosen chairs that were already used in The Block two years ago! How embarrassment. 

Hot In Here

Might be some time for more anxious breathing...

"I feel sick, cause I thought I'd organised all of this yesterday". 

After the break B&C reveal their secret weapon for this week: their air conditioning vent!

Vent

Also, good to see Bianca's wonky helmet again *drink*

Keith delivers the news to Norm and Jess with an horrendous amount of bluster in between about whether they can have their much hoped for swiveling fireplace. More drawn out that Eddie telling someone if they've won the big bucks on Millionaire Hotseat. Of course it's fine.

And then there's a magnificent shot from the drone East, the tennis courts and Albert Cricket Ground between City Road and St Kilda Road, Fawkner Park opposite the exceptional trauma hospital The Alfred towards what looks like a satellite city in either South Yarra or perhaps Richmond... must be South Yarra. So much high rise though it's a bit weird.

View East

Cashed up Kerrie and Spence pull out a special for their living room and one-up (potentially) B&C ordering a television that masquerades as a mirror! BUT now we have to look again at the acoustic bracket thingys they might have been using that the engineer didn't approve for their fancy coiffured ceiling. Dan's telling them to pull a lot of stuff down. And Spence get a bit potty mouthed...

Ooh The Strokes' Last Night, good tune again tonight.

Now Spence is talking to the camera about how much acousticy stuff he's already got up there, so the data sheet is being sought out. Dan doesn't reckon it exists. Not for the first time I'm worrying about Spence's ability to roll with issues that arise. 

Back to happy land as Norm and Jess continue to surprise and delight picking some superb pieces from a store that stocks items from the Milingimbi community in the Northern Territory. I WANT THIS SIDEBOARD

Side Board

And we get another brief interlude of positivity as Courtney goes shopping at a business dealing in Indonesian furniture and stuffs.

Then we get a brief look into the dark clouds of Kerrie and Spence and an indication of what explosiveness might be going on. And Kezza is not happy! She's standing by her man.

The data sheet is still not forthcoming, Spence does his best hand modelling and says the thingys they put in look pretty much exactly the same as the ones they were supposed to put in "Potato Potarto":

Potato Potarto

So he's effectively wasted a whole day waiting for the data sheet from his plasterer and has refused to pull the bits down in the interim on the off chance it is wrong. Kerrie's take "Not happy Jan. Sounds like a load of Bullshit to me".

Massive tv incoming for B&C (75 whoppers) but it goes back to the big or small issue and have decided to send it back and get a slightly less obtrusive one.

Carla goes to everyone's favourite furniture shop this episode and gets in and out before Sara even draws breath from feeling sick earlier in the episode (Scotty reckons 6 hours). How hard is it to pic a fricken couch etcetera. And the rollercoaster plummets again and for her post shop interview the waterworks are back "In real life I'm self confident"...

Yeah-he-hesss! Ever supportive Husband Hayden is back on the booze:

Back on the Booze

Now she's saying a piano is going to be too polarising for "the buyers", according to Shaynna. But she hasn't spoken to Shaynna about it. And she's also worried that if piano players wanted to buy the apartment they'd already have a piano. And Hayden chips in with some allegory about people with X Boxes, Sara lapses into a coma. Or something.

Erm WTF have you bought Courtney? W> T> A> F?

Massive Pot

Meanwhile poor Norm reckons he's that knackered he feels like a 20 year old lawnmower. But in a donut led recovery he was Back! (In black) That was like me earlier today after a double shift I smashed an M&Ms choccy bar and - ping! Who says sugar is bad for you!?

But we all grind to a halt again as Spence and Dan have their frank chat, Spence effectively saying stuff you I'm not putting my ceiling up now after being dicked around with the sound thingys

Dan: "So you're going to deliver a room without any ceiling?"

Spence: "Yeah. Pretty much"

Toddler tantrum. Are you going to finish that pumpkin? No. FU mum.

OOh Kerrie explodes and uncoils like a cobra in an on camera interview "What's the point? What is the point? Of changing it right now" They talk about going back to the Barossa and not dealing with nonsensical crap. The estimated four hours work isn't worth it apparently. 

Air keys everybody, it's Hall and Oates time! Progress report: B&C seem on top of things; Jess has found some more furniture (a love seat that's high end...); Sara's reserves have completely depleted "It's not even funny"; Courtney may be able to avoid a meltdown, she thinks, maybe.

Back to Kerrie and Spence and they're having a fairly honest chat with lots of swearing about how they feel about the situation including an "Eff You Dan!" and they are out of there! 

WALK OUT (according to Norm)

Walk Off

Dramatic scenes! They walk towards the beach, take the mics off and Kerrie ditches her pink vest, followed by Spence "I'm so f*&^ing over it".

And the final song of the night my favourite Queen tune 

I'm a shooting star leaping through the sky
Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity
I'm a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva
I'm gonna go go go
There's no stopping me!

Ooh and it looks like tomorrow we finally get the Maccas bag!

Maccas

What a week! See you tomorrow x

The Block Gatwick Episode 18

Who's Gonna Crack It First

Aw come alive! Yeah! It's Suzi Q to open up tonight's episode, the bass playing babe has been a regular visitor to Australia over her 40 year career playing in St Kilda numerous times, she's also been my inspiration since first seeing her as Leather Tuscadero in Happy Days.

Spotted during Scotty's opening recap/preview monologue, what's this subliminal message for the judges??

Subliminal

Ooh and doesn't it look like people are going to be pushed to their limits for living and dining week, starting off with a public holiday so no power tools allowed and probably no shopping either! Then there's the promised skullduggery and B&C will be Keithed! Fun, fun, fun for the whole family.

A walk through of the Master Bedrooms - just as an aside the 'water cooler talk' at my office today was that all were a bit meh - and it seems the contestants are similarly intrigued about Hayden and Sara's win as some of the private messages I was getting. Ah well. 

Courtney tips Kerrie and Spence to win <note that down>. Husband Hayden has gone the size factor of the 'man cave' which I kinda noted in last night's recap but honestly how much time does anyone spend in their room when you pass teenager or share house status?

Anyway, fair to say the judges copped a fair and frank appraisal from the judged, particularly the hospital and retirement village jibes.

Biting off more than they can chew again, potentially, Hans and Courtney meet with their builder about plans seeing they've increased their floor space again, after reducing their terrace. 

Spence is going to do another coiffured ceiling, his first one in the initial challenge was spectacular, be good to see it on a larger scale.

But all focus is back on Hans and Courtney who have been asked by Norm and Jess for some help to get some steel in to reinforce their terrace to put a pool in but "I'm eating yoghurt with a fork" Courtney needs some time out to think about whether to give them the advantage of putting in a clear auction winner. 

Then we are reminded about why Norm and Jess are hoping to win The Block

The Kids

The Kidlets! Childless couples of the world unite for being demonised again ;) 

As Courtney and Hans meet at The Block shop discussing the notion of effectively handing Norm and Jess a hundred grand in allowing them to put in a pool, how would all the other contestants feel. Of course this screams Body Corporate meeting Hans. Call one! Ooh Jess isn't happy, referring to it as The Pack Mentality. Hans stays firm on the it's not a decision we can make on our own but Jess reckons Dan and Keith said it was just up to them. I smell a Scotty intervention brewing!

"Honestly, that's so fine" 

It's never fine when you say it's fine.

I'm not sure I like the new ruthless Jess throwing out terms like strategy.

SeeYa

See ya, good luck. What a shit sandwich. C'mon Norm and Jess betrayed? I don't see that, am I missing something? Pools have caused so much trauma every time a pool has been mentioned on Le block.

Il Fornaio

Yuuuum, I love it when B&C abscond they're up at the side of the Prince on Acland Street at the delightful Il Fornaio (pastries to die for). Having a budget and strategy (ha) meeting Carla is stressing about how to continue to surprise and delight. 

Uh oh now Courtney's talking with Hans about having a hypothetical chat with other Blockers about 'what if' someone was to put in a pool. WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG

Lollercoaster of all the contestants to go to they've gone to:

Unholy Alliance

Big surprise here, Sara's like nup. No way. After she almost hyperventilates as she processes the information. Courtney mentions they were offered $2000 to help and Hayden almost laughs his pants off. Cat's out of the bag... Oh wow Husband Hayden even gets ticked off with her in the couple interview about this impromptu meeting and calls her a dickhead and walks off. 

Undeterred and filled with spirited vigour, Sara goes to dob on Norm and Jess to Kerrie and Spence who she's probably only just meeting for the first time! (*jokes*)

Sara Visit

Sara calls it a water feature, Kerrie says she doesn't care if it's a lap pool or a plunge pool Spence doesn't seem fussed either almost challenging them to cock it up.

Hahaha Jess and Norm come back to talk to Courtney and Hans to say don't worry about it, just don't tell anyone. Courtney gets emotional in a couch interview about it. Oh the pressure, man. 

Tell No One Else

"It's all good, as long as you don't tell anyone else, especially the girls" says Norm. Yeah, nah. All good!

But a check in with B&C they seem oblivious as to what the issue was between Courtney, Hans, Norm and Jess. Jess says she's going to play the nice card from here but if they want something... good luck. Effectively. I just don't know whose side I'm supposed to be on!

Pushing on Courtney and Hans meet with a furniture maker about a walnut dining table, they'll be able to fit a 10 seater (12 if you put seats at the ends too) I don't know if there's 11 people I'd happily have sat together for a meal! Also - my oven's not big enough! Maybe if I run the slow cooker at the same time... and a big salad... anyway

Upstairs Jess asks Keith for some more advice for one of her 'what rich people like' ideas - a fireplace! Real proper fireplace. Then hoofs off to do the all important bum test on some couches, at one point sitting on a mustard number that to me wasn't really that appealing. Jess changed her mind and ended up picking this one, I like it much more and ends up in what's becoming a new feature "Jess Wrestles Unsuspecting Shop Assistant To the Ground":

Jess Wrestle

Norm hires some tools, Sara goes get some floorboards but doesn't want them to be too scandi and tells the camera that while they don't have parquetry she drops something about a piano and a chandelier and gives this smile:

Piano Smile

Eek now it's time for Bianca and Carla to cop the dickhead spray from Keith. He starts off strong "Ya can't be doing that, it's cheatin'" then to Bianca directly "You're smug about everything. Right? If you're not installing your grill, you're not finishing your room".

After ad break he drops the don't look at me like I'm a dickhead line, and he waves his proverbial around to "show them who's boss". K then.

Norm's caught waving his around on his balcony, measuring up for the controversial pool so Keith is in on it now with the engineer about making it work without the support of the below floors. All systems go!

Sara goes into a piano shop and proudly states, with Husband Hayden next to her "We're going to have a baby grand piano. That says Status Quo"... Oh classic Sara-speak!

Down down deeper and down?

Ah and she questions it immediately

Status Quo

Hayden then claims it as his idea and you can feel Sara stab him with a thousand invisible knives.

How fricken much is a Baby Grand? They've already dropped $75k on a bathroom no one liked... Oh gee whiz I don't want to be unkind but PLEASE don't sing Piano Man.

Keith not satisfied with his ripping of B&C he goes to Courtney and Hans' to discuss the expense of using so many trades people. Have you seen the size of their joint, Keith? Ooh now he's telling Hans he hasn't been making use of his hands enough. 

Ah the subliminal message I noticed at the start of the show isn't actually terribly subtle, it's Kerrie's birthday present and inspiration to knock down a double brick wall in their lounge room:

This Is No Hospital

Far out, they're all hanging onto the one hospital comment from last night's judging. Wasn't it just the lights that gave off that vibe? Get over it! Ooh they really are going to have to get over it to get onto the steel beam that was hiding under there that they'll have to "oxy up" and hand carry it out in bits. No thanks!

<another good tune - INXS Just Keep Walkin>

Bianca has a meeting with the engineer with Keith watching over her smug levels, about where to put the air conditioning unit. She mentions something called a Noggin or did I mishear?

Hans has to ask his trades about their hourly rate because of a budget blow-out. Clearly not a union site! 

Jess is back on gumtree and this time it's for a fireplace. Surely this won't be a third disaster for them... Norm has to sell the idea of this particular drop down apparently bulbous Jetson's like fire place. He's in a such a great mood, this will be fine...

As long as it's not too heavy is the vibe. But then Norm's sent away to do some more work on the plans, and when Keith comes out he asks for a printed copy of the plans (Norm almost shivers) but he dazzles Keith with the other detail that the fireplace spins. What the!?

A Fireplace That Spins

Leave it with me was the vibe, this time.

Kerrie was taken out for dinner for her birthday but apparently nothing happened as there was no footage. And we get a preview for the rest of the week which includes Sara saying she has to change everything in their apartment. But what about the pianooooo!?

The Block Gatwick Master Bedroom Reveal

Master Blaster

Will anyone lose their proverbial tonight with the judge's comments? 

Scotty tells us it's a 33 degree day, we see Hans having a icy pole and Foredan gets his negative on and points out all the painting yet to be done in their huge area. C'mon mate, you reckon they don't know... But then he goes finds Norm - who had a quick nap in the Allymac - and tells him to take it easy and fuel up (double standards!)

Care Package

Nanna nap time and this will look good on B&C's Instagram later

Insta Worthy

Courtney conniption time! She's back over at The Block shop, she changed her mind the other day after the Domain walk through and wanted to change everything, but then again... does she...

Choices

Shelley Craft told her last episode the lady painting wouldn't work and the "more St Kilda" palm would be better. I don't like the palm. But other seasons when there's been a woman in a painting in a bedroom I've not liked it either. I'm aok, s indecisive at CBomb today. 

OK, Courtney goes with her gut and sticks with her original choice. Noice.

Bianca and Carla head off out the back and nick down to West Beach for some SUP time

SUPing

Dan rips through their apartment to the Jaws music while they're in the water and has a bitch about the work that hasn't been done correctly and is totes gonna dob on them to Scotty about their cheating ways. (It's something about a grill that I don't really understand)

Norm's up from his Nana Nap, Jess is out of bed from being crook but hasn't bought ANYTHING and also she can't find her keys. What is it with these people!? Then again, they don't really have a 'spot' to put them in their half done apartments. After some prompting from a producer she goes over to the Block Shop where she 'might' have left them and then wrestles poor "Harrie Highpants" to the ground once they've been relocated.

Ok back to grumpy Dan, so the workers in B&C's apartment have covered the A/C vent with their wonky feature wall and Bianca mentions that Macca and Hughesy must have left without doing it. Ruh Roh. They'll have to just cop whatever the judges say about it, they reckon, but as it's a compliance issue it's the Keithenator they have to be worried about where a preview to Monday's episode has a really terse Keith tell Bianca to wipe the smug look off her face that Keith thinks says is looking at him like he's a dickhead... bwahahaha. Maybe she's just not scared of you. Talk to them normally perhaps?

Dickhead

Now we get to check in with Rollercoaster Sara who met with ShaynnaBlaze during the week for some crisis counselling on their (her) styling and true to form they're bickering: "If Sheena doesn't think I'm injecting personality into the room, it's because you've drained it all from me". BANG, cop that Husband Hayden.

Kerrie's off shopping at Freedom for a pink seat thingy and Spence has discovered that their bed head didn't come with the power points promised, now he has to get creative without power tools

Elvis

Elvis is in the building! And a cover of Gone Daddy Gone originally by Violent Femmes plays along for Spence to weave some magic.

Hans takes delivery of his special marble vanity bench top. Huh, nice shot of the Elsternwick Hotel chucked in there before Luna Park. And everyone has to paint paint paint their little hearts out over night. Again.

As the dawning sun beats down Jess, who's never slept in a King Sized bed before discovers that her bedside tables are too teeny weeny but manages to grab some spares from B&C to try out and they fit perfectly

Spares

Not sure what she's looking for here... maybe some inspiration?

Huh, before Scotty checks his watch for the final time and gives us the tools down whistle... WTheHell Courtney? You got the palm after all?

Courtney Palm

We return to normal order with the judges this week, and Scotty introduces Neale as "ever-dapper" again, phew.

No mucking around tonight we get into Kerrie and Spence's appraisal pretty quickly:

They're generally happy, Spence more so, they wanted a snuggly and textural room. Judges say it's romantic without being too feminine the velvet gets a tick but still no "va va voom" for Neale. The art work's on the wrong wall, but that's where the shutters are, and the bed head needs to be grander perhaps. Attention turns to the pendant lights and Shaynna's straight to the point "they're ridiculous" (they do look a bit dinky) 

Ridiculous Lights

And ShaynnaBlaze continues likening it to a hospital vibe, disappointing because they like the bed and the colours. Neale wonders if they got scared. Then they almost miss the WOW factor by missing the extra WIR. They need to re-style and lift it a bit to be memorable for sell-ability. Kerrie and Spence make jokes about needing a fluffer...

Courtney and Hans time with their massive space that they weren't able to finish painting. <Side bar a lot of covers being played tonight on the show...have they run out of royalty budget!?>. Gee whiz it really is massive, it's like a real fancy hotel! ShaynnaBlaze liked the colour pallette but Neale is not impressed. Not at all. Not one iota. Doesn't get the "hallway" (me neither) and it's an 'exercise in wasted space', the hits just keep on coming sitting down in the chairs wondering why you'd want to look at "The possibly the worst piece of art ever on the Block"

Worst

Oh Courtney. AND YOU HAD THE PALM SITTING THERE (see above if you skim read earlier). He wants grandiose in the form of rugs and couches and wall to ceiling mirrors. ShaynnaBlaze nods. A lot. And just in case Neale hadn't made himself clear, in his final statement:

"Get your Real Estate Agents to hand out flyers to cashed out 80 year olds at Retirement Villages" LOL it does have a slight Arcare brochure vibe.

Retirement

At least Courtney was able to put a humorous spin on it along the lines of at least people want to retire to somewhere they really like... Onto the WIR and Neale flips saying it's one of the most impressive he's ever seen on the Block. So Judges aren't always picking on people and can see the good and the bad even in one room (yes I'm talking to Sara).

Alright, speaking of Sara c'mon you can do this! We haven't seen a lot of you and Husband Hayden but let's get you off the bottom rung tonight... My cat Punter would love that fluffy rug on the bed. ShaynnaBlaze explains to the other two judges what Sara and Hayden originally wanted and they all wince. The overall judgement is that it really worked and Sara doesn't quite believe Scotty. Art Deco like bed head is lovely

Hayden and Sara Get It Right

Oh. Except the artwork is a bit 'generic'. They love the air conditioning duct (look out B&C). "Overall, it's a nice room". ShaynnaBlaze goes week at the knees for sensor lights in the WIR. ShaynnaBlaze goes back to the ensuite and says it doesn't reflect this room so they'll need to fix it up before Auction day. Oh and Sara and Hayden are staying "Shaynna put a pep in my step".

Norm and Jess have a size doesn't matter problem with a tiny bedroom (which I find weird for a Penthouse) but what would I know. Although having seen the drama such a massive space caused Hans and Courtney maybe this will be fine. "I wouldn't change that room for a million bucks" says Jess. What do the judges reckon? They get a 'fabulous' on first impressions from Darren Palmer. So what do the others think? Neale has another zinger "Is this a Gold Class cinema"? Too much focus on the telly (Jess you were right rich people don't watch telly...in the bedroom). ShaynnaBlaze felt claustrophobic and wonders if the bed is too big. And the 90s need their niches back. Then the excellent and beautiful WIR lifts everyone's spirits. The parquetry, now that you can see it, gets a big nod.

Oh just as we're coming back from the ad break for Bianca and Carla's bedroom I just remembered the hook last week to tonight's episode - someone gets a SIX for their bedroom... who will it be!!??

"A different kind of luscious" from B&C and very tactile, for the dark monochrome look. And they all love the art telly. "Doesn't anyone read in bed anymore" good question Neale, none of the rooms have had great lights for the bedroom, having said that my lamp is brighter than the sun so I could do with a better styling but it goes onto a discussion about the bedroom not being functional enough. The lack of aircon vent 'arrogance' comes out, which is disputed, and the feature wall is knocked. ShaynnaBlaze says it's too masculine, which is an interesting comment thankfully B&C challenge that notion 'cause seriously 2018 called and wants your notion of male v female ideas put in check.

Not many winners tonight, bring on the scores...

Darren scores Hayden and Sara a 9 and finally they're scoring in the upper region.

Shaynna scores Norm and Jess a 6.5 which well, what can you say, and Hayden and Sara get another 9

Flipping the mini Gatwick around, Norm sees reason and keeps their bonus gnome point to use another time...

Neale was scathing in his comments but what about the numbers?

Winners this week - Hayden and Sara on 26.5 (no surprise there); Courtney and Hans were "last".

Oh yes, back to original versions of songs at the end of the judging ceremony LL Cool J's Mama Said Knock You Out!

Oh noes! Fights and tears and broken friendships next week! Whaddup Courtney? 

Tears

Ooh and Kerrie cracks it, looks like Spence walks off towards the beach in a huff. And FINALLY do we get to see that now famous Maccas bag meltdown?

Something Isn't Right

Woo! Cannot wait. See you tomorrow night.

The Block Gatwick Episode 16

Hogan's, Heroes

Jess and Norm are happy, they won $5000 yesterday; Kerrie and Spence are happy with their progress two days to go and they've told their trades to stay home today; Sara and Hayden aren't happy again; Norm and Spence will have more conversations about their potential pool; B&C painted over night so today they're going hard in the hope they can go out tonight.

Courtney's having conniptions again this time about how massive their space is and well just about everything, including: I wanted a masculine look and nek minit I'm buying a lilac bedhead... then she's inside a Freedom store talking the ear off a helpful sales assistant

Wow Mirrors

 

Hans remains mute on the couch. Probably a good tactic.

Scotty reminds us that it's been a tough week for Hayden and Sara, covering off the threatened walk out again. But in a nice bit of cross promotion he's found a willing couple to take over should they actually walk out - Karl and Georgie from The Today Show. Fine, whatever my main question is, and it's only just dawned on me - how come Scotty doesn't have to wear a helmet? I had to when I went for a squizz!

Today Show

And then it's the check-in with all the apartments for the Domain thingy where they could win cold hard cash.

Kerrie and Spence reminded to put in full length wardrobes for coats etcetera; B & C have a secret telly and a netballer's goal defence type swinging arm light thingy; Jess goes to Fitzroy just for some cashmere; Scotty tells Hans and Courtney that their Master Bedroom is the best space in the block and if it's dressed right "you cannot lose" but Shelley reckons the art needs to change and rethink the colour on the walls - no pressure; 

Hayden and Sara are still thinking Royalty when it comes to the vision for their styling, and have side-stepped from Harry and Meaghan to cousin Beatrice and Mr Beatrice

More Royals

Was it Beatrice or Eugenie with the toilet seat hat at their other cousin's wedding? Oh no sorry, it's Eugenie and Mr Eugenie who they're styling for. My apologies. I have terrible eyesight and didn't hear Shelley until it was too late and I'm not editing this.

They then cut to Sara saying she was happy with the feedback from the walk through and that they got some positive feedback, but what's that look for Shelley?

Positive Feedback

OH it's just when they go over the negative feedback from Sunday (and the Sunday before that and before that one too). And Alice from Domain tells her to 'chin up' and treat it like a job and distance yourself from the decisions don't put what *you* like. But will she listen THIS time...

Courtney and Hans listened and are manically changing chairs, artwork and paint to avoid being blando.

The Hogan Bogans are back at it and I think Jess just tried to impersonate someone possibly at legendary Fitzroy Street chemist Solly Lew's asking for some thrush cream. Okaaaay... sleep deprivation has well and truly settled in.

Sara has another tearful assessment of how she's been disrespected by the judges.

We're reminded that Kerrie and Spence are in the show still and we find out that they've had another issue with a too big piece of furniture selected for one of their rooms. A spectacular mirror Kerrie was immovable about having was literally too big to fit through the doorway so clever Spence reluctantly removed his skirting and the door jamb and voila they got to stand in the room full of mirrors

Mirrors

Half an hour well spent Spence. Why so cranky!

Bloody hell, Norm and Jess are kicking goals, they win the Domain weekly prize too.

Now's a good time to share a terrific song by a St Kilda identity Spencer P Jones who will be laid to rest at the end of this week, sadly, but he wrote and performed one of my all time favourite songs The Bogans

Oh and here we go, everything's coming up Hogans, Forebears Dan and Keith tell them that the engineers have said their pool is doable!

You Can Do It

It can be 7.5 x 1.5 meters but they have to go talk to Hans and Courtney about it being above their terrace and they need to chuck in some steel and give them some hush money or something.

Hans CBFd hearing about it though. Today's a bad day. I totally get that. I had a week like last week where you can barely remember to breathe let alone listen to another person ask for something else from you.

So we get to a new day, the Saturday I think, everyone's ok except Courtney and Hans have been painting but one of the builders noticed they're using oil based paints so way too sticky. Ruh roh.

Meanwhile Husband Hayden is calling Sara 'mate'. Oh dear. He needs her to clean but she wants to go shopping. She mates him back "I've got shit to do". Plus they went to bed at a reasonable time and woke up at a reasonable time. While they bicker they never seem to stress about a time line. Curious, curious dynamics.

B&C are copping major scrutiny from Keith, he hates their swinging arm light and he reckons the feature wall is wonky. They seem unfussed.

Norm rolls out some dad jokes. Hans realises he's forgotten to order a slab, of concrete or stone or whatever it is for his wardrobe. Keep it together captain!

Oh no not again, yet another setback this is getting ridiculous, told you Courtney that you needed proper sage or the voodoo room cleanser I have to get rid of the bad juju - they've been told they're about four hours behind because of dodgy sanding from dodgy tradies.

But ooh am I excited now for Sunday's reveal - someone's got crap lights, something else is "ridiculous" and someone gets a 6 from the judges according to the little preview.

Bring. It. On!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Block Gatwick Episode 15

Sara and ShaynnaBlaze toe-to-toe

Before we kick off for tonight, did everyone see Bianca in Sara's bath last night? So evil looks like B should be stroking a white cat!

Oh and the Triffids' Wide Open Road gets us going in the soundtrack stakes, one of a handful of songs guaranteed to make me cry, especially where the late great Dave McComb sings "so how do you think it feels sleeping by yourself when the one you love, the one you love, is with someone else"...

Hooray, The Blockers are going on a road trip. Later!

 

After a meeting with the landscaper where they talk about vibe and have no plans, really Jess takes task with Norm saying "No one messes with The Bogans". Wear it loud and proud! I do, we all are at heart.

Ooh another tease for the thing everyone's tuning in for tonight

Sweetie Darling

Sara's still smarting from the "harsh" comments the judges have given her and Husband Hayden when critiquing their work. Not sure about everyone else's job but mostly you only hear feedback when stuff goes wrong, not when it goes right. 

Dread, Dread, Dread, Dread is how Sara is going into the meeting with ShaynnaBlaze. They go through each room and yes it's a pretty frank appraisal from Shaynna about what she thinks is wrong but none of the other teams are getting that Sara so maybe take note looks like you're just staring at her thinking particularly dark thoughts along the lines of "what does this bish know..." or "how dare she attack my styling" etcetera.

Then Scotty Cam picks up on this and makes the assessment that she's not listening at all and bang! We get a montage to Simon and Garfunkel's Sound of Silence

Sound of Silence

Hello Darkness My Old Friend indeed. Sara's resting Block face is absolutely brilliant.

As there's a discussion about toning down the Art Deco vibes, Husband Hayden strolls in and tries to offer his two cents and ShaynnaBlaze has zero tolerance for either contestant's back chat and enquires as to their credentials in the painting and decorating sphere and reminds them quite bluntly that she's been in styling for the past 30 years so STFU and take my advice it's free you know, "that's why I'm here". Stamps heel, walks out. (Doesn't, but I wish she did)

Sara and Hayden get advice from Shaynna about their master bedroom, which they are in the process of completing this week (just a reminder that NO OTHER contestants are getting this AMAZING OPPORTUNITY) to potentially halt any major disasters before the reveal on Sunday night. They talk about the bed head, and colours and need for darker draws and a wall and balance of light and texture. At this point we'd all probably say "yep, great thanks heaps see you later appreciate your time and effort"

Sara, nup. Not really. 

It's A No From Me

There's some trust issues here, "It's good advice but whether or not she likes it is a whole other kettle of fish, I can't be bothered with high hopes again - they're just gonna go *pffflt*

ROAD TRIP!

"What's a You Yang?" well, Courtney. It's a lovely little mountain range half way to Geelong from where you are in St Kilda. Everyone's excited to get out of the 'hood except Kerrie and Spence. But the Bogan Hogans are loving it, except Jess has a minor concern

Nice Cars

Fang, it baby!

YES it's going to be a caravan challenge! Ooh and they're going to Federal Mills, which is where one of my favourite vintage shops is!

Oh bless, Jess is beside herself when they get to pick the second van, after Hayden and Sara "It's our dream! We LOVE caravans!" but she noted that "poor Kerrie and Spence looked like they wanted to vomit in their mouths"! Don't go changin' Jess. 

Hans proves that he's probably a better pilot than driver, he totally flattens the flat Scotty Cam on arrival

They Killed Scotty

So in Geelong the teams meet a couple from The Glasshouse series and Jess introduces us to the word flumpy and a need to pretend she has a thyroid condition to explain her baby weight. Lulz but focus on the caravan challenge you've got this. The brief: 1970s but NO BEIGE.

The Hogan Bogans pick a 60s surfing image for their caravan; Hans (and therefore Courtney) goes with a 70s aviation theme (AWESO
ME I love that era of plane travel, so glamorous) which Courtney has another conniption about but then dances it out on a massive sugar high; B&C go girly and even name their van 'Frankie';  Again it kills me how Kerrie and Spence are dubbed the older couple they were born not that too far away from when I was. Hang on... Sara and Hayden what was their design or did I do a Sara and not listen?

Everyone's out shopping and Bianca and Carla order some Mint Tinge and a Powder Puff - cocktails or paint, you be the judge.

And just after we hear Kerrie being flat as a tack to the soundtrack of The Doors' The End, how's poor Nan walking through shot wiping her nose with a hankie!

Nan

Ah Sara and Hayden are back with Palm Strings slash Rock'n'Roll theme. I like the sound of it!

While Hans and Courtney can sing, dance and riff their way out of anything and look like a tonne of fun, they CANNOT make a decision to save themselves when they're in the middle of the nitty gritty of a challenge or a room. Carlene drops by to guide Hans and makes a fab suggestion to grab colours from their central caravan image, especially the green on the dress (I remember some fetching curtains and mum and dad's that featured that green!)

70s Aviation

LOL Courtney comes back from the shops looking completely over it and excitable Carlene doesn't like her ferny fabric <cue Hello Darkness My Old Friend>

Now over to Kerrie and Spence's "Psychadelic Love Wagon" (ewww) and oh dear but are we surprised, there's a whole lotta Beige going on... Kerrie claims "I thought it was camel"......what's the diff. Pick it up guys, seriously, this is the fun stuff why get stuck on the 'we should be back at the block' sad sack vibe.

The rollercoaster of Sara is high on the vibe of the shopping aspect for their caravan... until... she freaks out about not having enough stuff or not being listened to or just not being, well, happy.

This could be the challenge that brings everyone undone.

Or maybe it's just Norm and Jess, their self assessment though is pretty amazing. As amazing as Norm's outfit.

Pimms

While everyone's scrambling in the last five minutes to get finished, Carla hooks into the Pimms cocktail made to finish the complete styling of Frankie. Excellent work.

I'm so glad there's something fun this episode, it's not just high drama and meltdowns!

Courtney and Hans pull off their 70s travel theme, and great chair out the front of the van!

And over to where misery loves company and Shelley laughingly suggesting you couldn't be anything but happy with the Psychadelic Love Wagon of Kerrie and Spence where they clearly express in their vibe and language that they want no part in shenanigans. But they get away with the beige factor because of other colour in there.

Sara and Hayden are given a fair bit of praise for their styling efforts but did Carlene say something about cool on the inside not as cool on the outside, will that see another 'fail' and another reason to be disappointed.

The Glampervan was pretty but not finished enough - too much Pimms!?

Oh Norm and Jess MUST win this! "It's perfect". Hopefully they do and they save their marriage too ;)

Haha and they do win, Jess saying "Oh lucky! We were about to get divorced"! Delightful they hug and probably cry, just terrific. B & C seem happy for them too.

AND then... is she being deliberately provocative but Sara says "Yeah, I don't know how they won. Ours was awesome" Hayden adding "yeah, we didn't even have to do a crappy paint job on ours", Sara bringing it home with: 

Rigged

"Yeah. This competition is rigged."

sah rock'n'roll...

Heading back Norm and Jess patch things up until Jess says she won't be able to use the bonus point they one in the challenge against the girls (or anyone else, except maybe Hayden and Sara)

And oh you bastards at The Block getting me to cry using Wide Open Road again and look at that beautiful shot of my beautiful Melbourne! G'night

Melba

The Block Gatwick Is Sara Staying Or Going

Still fresh in our memories, but a quick recap: Sara was completely unimpressed with the assessment of their $75,000 ensuite - a triumph and a disaster.

The bathroom walk throughs are pretty collegiate, everyone loving everyone else's work but how did I miss black toilet paper last night? Brilliant! I want some! Aw geeze, I just googled it and it's $12 for a 3-pack!

Then they all come through to appraise the controversial Hayden and Sara room, Jess making herself at home jumps straight into Sara's baby "I've never bath'd in a $75,000 bath tub before". In her work boots. Yikes.

Jess in The Bath

Sara will flip.

Speaking of... it's Sara check in time and I've been reading so many mixed reports about how people feel about last night's episode. A lot of people pointing out that The Block has a long history of people not doing well so perhaps a bit of perspective is needed. The other side of the argument is that The Media is awful and has been pushing her to her limits to make her break into tiny pieces for our enjoyment.

Just on the street vision from the end of last night's show, surely Sara had to sign off on that going to air? Anyway, still 45 minutes of show to go to find out what's going on. 

A side-bar - HANS hello if you're reading this, your Master of Puppets was EPIC! Massive respect from this little black duck and some of my friends IRL and on Twitter. Also, so glad to see the Dusty Rose song reprise.

Oh that's right the contestants are working on Master Bedrooms this week, there's talk of waljk in robes and parquetry. Ha! I love that Jess has never slept in a King Size bed, I have once, in a fancy hotel, and they're just weird. So glad there's a voice of reason there. Especially when she talks about size not mattering with Norm *wink*

For somebody not sure if they're leaving or not, they're doing a lot of work for something they don't care about. If I'm done, I'm done. Fuck yer curtains. Oh she's back! She's hanging it on Husband Hayden when picking fabrics.

Scotty lifts Sara's spirits some more where we find out that her "decision" was a little bit rash. Ahahahahaha. Lol how silly of us all to get invested into it last night. She'll meet with Shaynna and everything will be forgiven.

More Scotty chats as he checks in with Spence but I find myself drifting off to be honest, I'm having a few IT issues and getting distracted 

Hang on Wwas that The Hummingbirds playing at the end of that Scotty chats with Spence bit? I still have my 7 inch copy of their fab single Blush. I really need to take the music editors out for a beer one day. Exceptional work.

Dan has some man time with Hans over at the Block Shop cafe, Hans reckons he's obviously done something wrong but no, he can do no wrong! He's won some fabulous prizes! A tradie that can do "everythink"! 

Is someone at The Block just putting in music tonight for my own amusement? As Courtney tries to smash some tiles MONTAGE from Team America World Police plays! Jesus TFH Christ! As it were.

Did Courtney just say she wants to put in some 'punchy' cushions? Is that cushions that pack a visual impact or ones that you can smash with your fist in times of frustration?

Sara is looking at a kinda sorta wallpaper, does anyone do any flocked wallpaper anymore? I'd give my pinky finger to have some at my place, I wouldn't be able to stop touching it. Might feel a bit old though with the 60s fixtures and fittings.

Ah well, everything at the quarter mark of The Block seems to have equalised tonight but on a sad note, a St Kilda matriarch left us tonight, farewell Mirka and thank you for injecting so much colour, life and pizzazz into everything you did. 

The Block Gatwick Master Bathroom Reveal

More Brass than Ass

Ok friends, it's crunch time. 

Guess what!? Sara. Is. Finally. Leaving. Like truly. Honest. True dinks. Fully walking out.

Apparently. 

Remember the haunting line from the show promos months ago? "You've got to be kidding me!?" followed by dramatic breathing? Yep, well it's happening in this episode (if the start of the show is any indication). Let's go. I'm also ready to walk.

Not Coming Back

Just to reiterate, Sara says she's not coming back*.

<*pretty sure she'll be back although when I did go through a walk through of The Gatwick a number of weeks ago, access to their apartment was restricted...>

But that's it, she's going, she can't take it any more, she's effin' out.

Reckon old mate's heard it all before?

Sinks Cans

The show starts proper with a graphic saying "26 hours earlier" and The Angels' classic playing, everyone sing along: No Way Get Effed Eff Off... (how good is that footage!) and we see a beehive of activity, everyone finishing their ensuites.

We spend a bit of time with Sara and Hayden, she's happy again (at this point) with their intricate herringbone tiling and everything else, Scotty reminds us that they've spent $75000 on this master bathroom. That is an  o b s c e n e  amount of money imo.

But they're building their whole apartment around their brass tub (The Only One In Australia) so yeah, whatevs, should be fine. They even did a vision board

Vision Board

So it has to work. Also, are they jocks sitting along the skirting board?

Remember last episode how Norm and Jess were in a spot of bother? Well some bloke who knew a bloke got a bloke to knock up a shaving cabinet to the correct size and then their bloke drove to Geelong to get the cabinet but old mate who made the cabinet didn't have the time to chuck some mirrors in so Mick says no drama I met a mirror bloke at the pub the other night so I'll go see him. Long story short: always go to the pub. You never know you're going to meet.

Kerrie and Spence are ticking along nicely for a change, no conniptions and DIY disasters. But ForeDan grabs Keith and his measuring tape and scruitinse some glass in the hallway at apartment three. They start saying random numbers and do a fair bit of pointing. And I don't know what Dan is trying to assert here but I don't think anyone's going to be happy

By That Much

Now there's more pointing, up and down, and Keith talks about slots in tiles, and in sides, and about it being made rigid. But ultimately, whatever they are talking about, Keith says "that makes it even more dubious to me". Ohhh it's a massive shower screen and it's needing to be wedged between two supports rather than one but the glazier doesn't agree with Keith. Good luck with your future projects glazier.

Engineers and more pointing later Hayden compromises with the offer of a bulkhead, to wedge the massive and heavy glass screen into, and Sara pouts that they're not going to get the 10 scores they require, as a result. And it sounds like she starts to cry off camera.

Talking In Cars With Courtney is back, as she heads off for some towels and stuff, but we find out that their glass is an issue too. Hans is respectful of the compliance process and heard  a solution from their sparky that was similar to Hayden's. You have a bulk head , you have a bulk head, everyone gets a bulk head! And Bianca and Carla continue on their quest to give every job a red hot crack, and get a lesson on grouting so they can finish their ensuite.

A 2mm discrepancy sends Sara into a full on ugly cry in the stairwell because she's terrified that they'll lose precious points on the one room that could save them. They've put everything into the room, everything. If Dan and Keith were looking for rigid, it's right there. Sometimes it's not healthy being a perfectionist and so desperate for a particular outcome. That's why old low expectations me quite merrily rolls through life.

We have a trifecta! Norm and Jess have once again have miscalculated a vital component of their ensuite, and their shower door overlaps so they'll leave it off and suffer the consequences. After a quick yell and a blame game they laugh about it in their couch interview. Jess asks if there are others who aren't compliant but Dan has to remain tight lipped. It's your lucky week darl!

In a stroke of production genius we learn more from "Bogan Jess" about how rich people live, as Norm shows off the charms of his new best friend Alexa who will not only turn the bathroom lights on and off but can turn their showers on individually too. Jess then riffs on how rich people are too good for doing such pedestrian things such as:

Only Poor People Turn

Only the poor turn on taps or norg people apparently. After an all-nighter, in their delirious state Jess greets the main Alexa installer dude with too much exuberance and he drops his laptop so no more Alexa for them. Hope the judges don't mind winging it with the poor people to turn on their own taps.

Sara's spirits are raised again when they chuck THE Bath in its place, reminding everyone it has the WOOOWWWWWW factor and that it gave her whole body goosebumps to see it sitting there. <I never knew you could just plonk a bath down, I assumed it has to have some plumbing intervention for drainage>

The Bath Is In

They seem genuinely thrilled that it's in and is sexy and awesome. Jess has lost it, she's ironing a bath mat:

Who Irons A Bathmat

I barely iron pants and shirts.

This week's episode of Scotty Checks His Watch is brought to you by Acca Dacca's Highway to Hell as lots of windex and rags get a good workout upstairs.

Sara and Hans' bathroom does look pretty great as a whole, on first glance as the cameras check in on each couple having a hug relieved that they've finished.

At The Palais, Scotty reminds everyone that bathrooms are pretty difficult and it's where people are likely to come unstuck adding:  "For one of you it's 'Do or Die' after spending the most amount of money on a single bathroom of anybody in Block history". 

And after the ad break we find out there's a guest judge this week AND Scotty mixes up the introductions: ShaynnaBlaze first up (as it should be), but Scotty mustn't be that impressed with Neale Whitaker this week as he's dropped the Dapper Neale moniker rolling with "Style and Design Expert" before moving onto guest judge "Mr Real Estate John McGrath" who returns from early Block seasons.

Kerrie and Spence

Ready to deploy their gnome if they need a leg up to win tonight, they've got some confidence after winning the charity challenge. ShaynnaBlaze points out instant glamour, Kerrie almost melts from the relief. Neale reckons the high end feel is spot on. Herringbone tiling near the cabinets is noted, isn't that what Sara was so proud of in their bathroom? We don't hear much from the guest judge. But overall it's stylish and functional. In the but bit, ShaynnaBlaze doesn't like the drain feature on the floor. 

Courtney and Hans

They won the first bathroom so pressure is on for their ensuite, and the terrazzo is back. Even though they reduced their room size, the judges are wowed by the size. In a semi polite fashion ShaynnaBlaze has to dismiss the guest judge for knocking the terrazzo, SB reminding John McGrath that they're in St Kilda and it's quite acceptable in our part of the world. They love the attention to detail of the matching bath and basins 

Then we get the but - it's a scale issue with the void of space in the middle of the bathroom. Uh oh and they've noticed the slightly dodgy finish at the bulkhead. Plus they discuss whether it was the bathroom they expected after C&H won the last one. Luxe factor needed to be upped!

Too Much Space

No hissy fits, Courtney just says fair enough in response to the assessment.

Now to Hayden and Sara

On the front foot before the judges even begin Husband Hayden speaks on behalf of the couple saying that it's the judges' lack of taste if they don't like what they've done. Just looking at those black basins, they are going to be a NIGHTMARE to keep clean, I reckon.

They got a squealed "Oh my god" from ShaynnaBlaze, so that's a good start. None of the judges have any seen such a bath, so all have to go and put their greasy mitts on it

Touch The Bath

Is this why Sara leaves? Remember she said it had to be handled with gloves? Noting that it's one folded piece of brass, painted, Scotty then explains how ShaynnaBlaze loves the unexpected. Neale asks if it's luxury so SB has to talk up why yes it is. They love the herringbone and acknowledge how expensive it would have been but money well spent. 

Uh oh the BUT comes early and seemingly with urgency. The hero piece is acknowledged but Neale isn't sure if it fits with the rest of the bathroom "It's just not coming together for me":

Not Coming Together

Neale continues. He finds it drab (the tiled walls); Guest Judge John concurs saying three black walls are a hard issue to come back from and with so much black it closes in. ShaynnaBlaze offers some suggestions about how it could work better.

The final nail in the coffin comes from Neale:
"I feel like I'm trying to be won over by this magnificent piece, that someone is saying 'you've got to like this bathroom because of that bath', and I don't". KAPOW. Shaynna adds that she saw the toilet first up when she walked in and the shower screen has to be dodged and weaved when trying to enter the room. The bulkhead is mentioned as being ugly - Sara IMMEDIATELY shoots death daggers at Husband Hayden.

The final epitaph: It's a mixture of triumph and disaster. 

Poor Carla talks about how uncomfortable she was standing there listening to the take down. Scotty, obviously picking up that Sara is about to explode, reiterates that he doesn't like delivering such feedback and reminds them that it's 'constructive criticism' to help them improve their apartment to have the best chance of making more money at the end. 

After the adbreak we hear more about Sara and Hayden's ensuite from real estate judge John warning that the bathroom could impact, negatively, potential buyers and it needs to be fixed, ShaynnaBlaze says they need to be mentored.

Sara looks like she'd rather scratch her own face off than get ShaynnaBlaze's one-one-one advice. 

Scotty holds an emergency Body Corporate meeting about whether everyone would be cool for Hayden and Sara to have the face-to-face, all couples quietly confer and it's a unanimous decision to allow it.

Norm and Jess

Literally the smallest room in the house, it's obviously the first thing the judges notice but because of the height of the ceiling and use of the marble it's noted that it's "punching above its weight". ShaynnaBlaze is big on scale today and reckons two full size basins is ridiculous and having two of the biggest shower (heads) ever is overkill. The lack of door and therefore potential over spray is noted and condemned. Really agitated and on a roll SB points out a black trim on one thing but then brushed chrome and polished chrome around the marble cheapening the effect. But it meets the brief and shouldn't cost them any buyers.

Bianca and Carla

They seem happy and calm with their work so over to the judges... ShaynnaBlaze says "I've calmed down already". They all practically coo, like it's a baby. Less is more is working for them. The but for B&C is about the drain and that it will be a real trap for hair (*gag*).

SCORES!

John McGrath gives B&C and 8.5 for their "almost flawless" bathroom, geeze. Hayden and Sara get a 7.5 despite their three black walls and assorted issues. 

ShaynnaBlaze starts B&C off with a 9, Norm and Jess get a 7 (ouch), as do Hayden and Sara, Kerrie and Spence also get a 9.

Before Scotty spins the Gatwick around to write in the final scores from Neale to tally up a winner Spencer gives him the thumbs up before he can ask if Kerrie and Spence would like to deploy their extra point gnome.  

Ooh did Scotty just say the winner has it by "half a point"? He doesn't even care because as he's throwing to the ad break, he reminds us to keep watching for Cyclone Sara

Coming Up

Kerrie and Spence finally have a win, but only because of Bianca and Carla gave the gnome back; next week it's Master Bedroom week...

As the producer or director or some poor Block/Channel 9 person attempts to do their job setting up the post judgement interviews, Sara snaps "Oh make it quick cause I'm not f*&^ing coming back" and "dead f*&^ing set" complaining about coming dead last again this week, Hayden a bit rabbity in the headlights looks towards one of the cameras but steps up and backs his wife in complaining about the result, y'know.  

In a fair plea she reminds the producer about how they put their heart and soul into it. I put my heart and soul into making a roast last Sunday and had to throw it in the bin because I bought a particularly crappy cut of meat. Life sucks sometimes. But I loved the potatoes and other veggies that I made. C'mon Sars, chin up. Maybe take your bun out, looks like it's causing you some anxiety. Relax a little. Nup, exasperated still Sara adds "I'm over it, Tim!"

Over It Tim

She's over it, Tim.

What did Tim do?

"God, Fuck this. I'm going, mate. I'm fuckin over it. And I'm NOT coming back. Here - take yer fucking mics" and as she walks off talking to no one in particular she mentions that she doesn't want to continue coming last and be embarrassed on television. You guys were only one point off the second last couple, really it's not like you're losing badly! 

Clearly not in St Kilda (wherever they film 'the Palais' scenes, Richmond perhaps) Sara takes  some time out down the road and is joined by who I can only guess is Tim.

Tim doesn't really try to reason or engage with Sara, just lets her go and eventually Husband Hayden comes out with his sports bag, Sara is adamant that she wants out and is convinced that always coming last is just "Embarrasingah" (that's how annoyed she is, with such an emphasis at the endah!)
 

Embarrassing

So that's where we leave it for tonight. Hopefully the dawn of a new day will bring a fresh perspectivah.